For the past three weeks, at the very least, I've been struggling to get out of bed in the morning. This comes as a result of the combination of late-night and early-morning, though most of the time I can't help either of those. Rarely have I stayed up late intentionally, and even more rarely have I wanted or needed to wake up especially early. It just happens.
While I wouldn't mind so much except that I have an inability to fall back asleep once I wake up in the morning, I tend not to do anything. Even when I've had a good sleep - not a common occurrence - I have this difficulty to get out of bed because I'll be comfortable, even if I know I have to do work. Or worse: go somewhere. I think I've only ever gotten out of bed for something that wasn't work or exams over the past three weeks for one person, and that was because I would be late for a much-needed catching-up session I had been hassling about. Other than that, I've been getting out of bed, wasting the morning still exhausted and entirely useless, when I could have been doing something with the day.
And that's the big thing: doing something. I've found that while getting out of bed for exams is difficult and annoying, it comes with the purpose I need to get ready for the day. So I need to just find something to do every day. Right?
This is, of course, much harder with exam season attacking me from every direction. I find that while I want to do something creative, the exams hinder my ability to do so. I feel a sense of guilt for not doing college work, and when I aim to begin I find myself inundated with a sense of procrastination. The time I need to study is wasted, and I don't accomplish anything.
This summer, I aim to change all that. If it means setting myself a task for the day, like four thousand words of a novel or a scene of a play or researching something to do with writing (I've been getting my books ready for that one!) then I will. I'll get out of bed to do something like that, because it's something I want to do.
I suppose I can't wait for the last week of exams just to have a week of getting up with intent. Sure, it will be exhausting, it will be annoying, but at least something will be done. Then I'll be busy writing away for three months.
I have a project I'll be undertaking, the details of which will come as soon as I'm ready to make them public. It'll be fun. It'll last a while. And it'll get me out of bed.
I guess I just don't want to waste my summer when I could be doing a trial-run for what could be the rest of my life. That would be weird, wouldn't it?