Sunday, April 14, 2013


I did a check: I follow 14 series of comic books. I'm fairly sure there's been some universe breaking along the way in every one of them. All of them Marvel. Hmm... Let's have a wee little look at them, shall we? (NB  this post will contain spoilers if you're not up-to-date with these stories.)

All-New X-Men: Let's put it simply. After Avengers Vs X-Men, the Phoenix Force blew up, and new mutants started showing up all over the place. Beast happened to also be affected, it seems, and was dying. So, he did the only thing he could think of: he went back in time to bring the younger versions of himself, Angel, Cyclops, Jean Grey and Iceman to the present to show Cyclops what a massive bag of douche he's being. Younger Beast saved him, so his whole "I need to do this one last thing before I die" story fell to pieces, and we still have five time-displaced X-Men wandering about.

Uncanny X-Men: Following aforementioned douche-bag Cyclops, in a post-"I'm going to change the world with reality bending abilities" life, things are still not quite as they should be. Even Cyclops's universe breaking before these comics, they're breaking the universe. I'm pretty sure Magik just exploded, or something, and Hellfire is loose. Yay.

X-Men Legacy: Legion accidentally killed the pseudo-mutagenic-alien-monks that were keeping him calm and not destroying the world. Now he's losing control of his abilities, because of a lack of self-esteem and a weird Xavier ghost in his head. Giant inter-dimensional monsters keep attacking him, and alien-police, and I'm pretty sure he's one bad date with Blindfold away from losing it all and accidentally ripping the universe a new one. So, pressure, Blindfold.

Cable and X-Force: Oddly, these lads aren't breaking the universe. However, they are breaking the law. Even if they are actually saving people. Bold Cable. Bold.

Wolverine: Hey look, someone who's not responsible for breaking the universe! Except, you know, the Watcher showed up. If memory serves, he's only there when there's some universe breaking going on. Something about the alien-tech blowing people up might explain that. But yeah...universe broken. Again.

Avengers: Where do I even begin? So, first Ex Nihilo decides to make a human, named Adam. And the Universe decided to personify. Again. And while she's not broken physically, the nexus that keeps all reality from collapsing seems to be in trouble. Add to this the fact that the Star Brand is up and running (and should only do this when the planet needs protecting) and he shouldn't be, because he's breaking things (like the Earth's consciousness). So...yeah...universe broken. Repeatedly. Last White Event and all that nonsense going on.

Uncanny Avengers: Despite her role in this series, the Scarlet Witch is not responsible for breaking the universe...yet. Instead, Kang the Conqueror is manipulating people and traveling through time, and now has a shiny magical axe with which to break stuff. And we can kind of blame Thor for that one, because he's arrogant and violent and he was seven hundred years younger, then.

Young Avengers: Um... remember that mention of the Scarlet Witch? Yeah, one of her sons is following in her footsteps. We'll ignore the fact that he's died and been re-incarnated twice and that he and his twin brother were born from two different women, neither of whom are the Scarlet Witch, and neither of whom are related to each other or the Scarlet Witch. No, this is all to do with Billy's powers, and how he seems to have brought an inter-dimensional parasite into existence that may or may not have created similarly parasitic copies of the Young Avengers parents and parent-figures (so...the Avengers), and Billy doesn't know how to stop her. Kid Loki does, but he's not strong enough, and it seems the only way to save the universe is to make Loki all-powerful. Also, Skrull Invasion. Yay.

Fearless Defenders: What happens when a Valkyrie gets lazy and doesn't do her job of recruiting Midgard's finest female heroes? She breaks the universe. Doom Maidens abound. Yay.

Guardians of the Galaxy: It's not their fault, but yeah... invasion. Massive invasion. At least they're trying, right? And no sign of... wait... hang on...

Nova: Watcher. Watcher right there. And this new Nova? Yeah, his dad seems to know Rocket Racoon and Gamora from the Guardians of the Galaxy. So... I think the universe is broken. Again.

A+X: They're short stories. There has yet to be any universe breaking. This pleases me.

Age of Ultron: This entire series is universe-breaking. Everyone is dead. Well, almost everyone. And now Nick Fury thinks it's a good idea to go to the future to fight Ultron. With just Captain America, Iron Man, and Red Hulk armed with Ares's axe. And I think they're going to die. At the same time, Wolverine wants to go back in time to kill Hank Pym before he makes Ultron. So, aside from the fact that there will be three stories going on simultaneously, we've also got to accept the fact that it seems the most use Hank Pym has ever been is in stopping Ultron over the years. Can we just let Wolverine kill him and be done with it?

Thanos Rising: He hasn't broken the universe yet, but I'm fairly sure this is all backstory. So, he's bound to break it at some point, sooner or later, and that's not including all the times he already has. Because Thanos.

By my count, about ten universe-breakings in fourteen series of comic books. Um, Marvel... I can't even.

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