The Inaugural FUFDay

Today, I faced my fears.

Well, not all of them. FUFDay - Face Up to Fear Day - is going to be a weekly thing, for me. I have items on the list I'd drawn up that I just didn't have time to complete. I reckon if I hadn't had to go get a hair cut, I might have achieved something. I blame the hairdresser for changing their student offer ('cause there's no way I'm spending €25 on a haircut that could cost me €9.)

Delays aside, I got to work.

Now, two of the three things I did are sort of personal. They're the sort of personal I can announce if/when I know more about them. We'll put it this way: it took some forcing to get myself to do them. In one case, I've never done it before. In another, it's been over a year since I've done anything close to it...and I did a lot more of it than ever before. (Hurray for vagueness, right?) In both cases, your finding out will be based on the results of my actions today. If I've been successful, you'll know.

Anyway, in less vague terms, I posted five poems on YouTube today. That's more than doubled the amount of poem-videos I have on my channel.

These videos, as a sort of easing-myself-into-it decision, are about five YouTube channels (totalling seven YouTubers). Well, I say "about"... I mean they've been inspired by them, in some cases speak to them directly to them, but they're not biographical works.

The first video features the poem Young Hopeful, quote-unquote about Carrie Hope Fletcher. As these videos were posted in order of writing, I suppose I ought to explain why I wrote it. Problem is, I can't. I just got an idea for the poem, the words happened, and it was somewhat about Carrie, but not quite.

With WOTO up next, I even broke their name for the poem; rather than making reference to the World of the Orange, my poem is called Contented Content of the World of Orange. It's almost the same thing. Not almost enough. However, I didn't write the poem to get everything right. I wrote it to capture some of the fun of the duo behind the channel, Brad and Liam. If they see it, maybe they'll like it.

The third poem, If, Like, is more addressed to Charlie McDonnell than about him. It was also the first poem I wrote because I wanted to write a poem about a YouTuber, and not because I had a video on my mind. Charlie was also the first YouTuber I watched that I've stuck with since finding his channel, which I think is fun.

In an attempt to continue writing about my favourite YouTubers, I came to Alex Day. Unfortunately, many of Alex's videos have been about Twilight or sex. He's also vlogged about a lot of other things, but the one thing that always pops up again is his music. With that in mind, I wrote the poem, The Day, utilizing as many titles of his songs as I could. I'm fairly happy with the result.

The final poem was probably the hardest to write, because I wasn't sure what to say at all. A Home in Nerdfighteria is a semi-fictional address to some of the recurring jokes in the vlogbrothers videos made by John and Hank Green. I did my best with what my memory could pull out on the spot.

Now, the reason these poems were part of FUFDay: the audience.

Not only do I get nervous getting on stage, I mumble on camera. In the editing process, I also became aware of how many times I said "um" and "eh". And all these worries weren't even to do with the poems. What if people hear them and don't like them? What if people think it's incredibly, ridiculously weird to have written the poems, and think I should just get off the Internet forever?

Okay, that last one was a joke. But what if the people about whom they were written (or who I had in mind when I was writing them) don't like them? And I don't mean just not liking them. I mean disliking them. Actively. That would suck.

Can we play the Make the YouTuber Find the Thing game and see what happens, though?

Fear Facing Prep

Yesterday, I mentioned the idea of doing a Face Up To Fear Day this Thursday. The basic idea was to do a few different things that I've been putting off for one reason or another that could summarily be called Fear. I've been afraid to put myself and my work on the line, and I've decided to put an end to that.

So, Thursday is going to be my inaugural Face Up To Fear Day. It might be a weekly thing.

Because it's such a personal thing, I'm not going to be listing everything I'll be doing on Thursday as part of this. However, one thing I have no trouble mentioning is that I'll be releasing a series of videos. I've been writing poems every day this month, as I'm sure you know, and a few of these have been about some of my favourite YouTubers.

The idea behind that is that I've been avoiding doing recordings of poems for a while. This is possibly because they've been so personal in a lot of cases, and while I don't plan on keeping those poems a secret forever and ever, I don't think I have the guts to put them out in the world myself just yet.

So, that's my compromise, and it's an example I can work with.

I drew up a list of everything I need to do to actually face up to that fear of putting some work out there, focusing on something that isn't so personal it'll terrify me if people hear me reading it. This list included:

- Write at least one more poem.
- Type up the poems.
- Memorise the poems - or enough of them at a time - for recording.
- Edit the videos.
- Release, and create a playlist.

Since I've been announcing the poems on Twitter as I've been writing them, I can reveal that the YouTubers who have poems written about them are, in order of writing:

- Carrie Hope Fletcher
- The World of Orange (WOTO)
- Charlie McDonnell
- Alex Day
- John and Hank Green (the vlogbrothers)

I consider this Volume 1 of The YouTuber Poems.

I'm not presuming them to be brilliant poems, though I'm happy with what I managed to do with a few of them, and I very much doubt any of the seven people above (two in WOTO) will ever see the videos. However, if they do, and/or if people enjoy them, I'll take that as a positive sign and work on writing poems about some of my other favourites.

I have a few other items on the list for Thursday, which will require putting myself out of my comfort zone. And that's the point. I've been hiding behind this safety net, and I want to get out of it, to get into the world and to start experiencing something new and exciting. I can't do that if I hide behind fear all the time.

On Thursday night, I'll go over how everything went with the day (and I'll embed the videos here). This'll be a fun day, I think, if not a little bit terrifying in parts.

Options

John Green once said in a video blog that the older we get and the more decisions we are required to make (where to go to college, what to major in, where we work, etc.) the less options we have in life. In some ways, this is true. I studied English and Religion, and with no practical experience in construction it would be hazzardous for me to build a house, whereas a Science major who doesn't read or consider the spiritual dimension of life at all (even for other people) wouldn't be suitable to enter a classroom to teach either of my chosen subjects (with which I have a teaching qualification...almost... you get the point!)

However, John's brother Hank is but one person who demonstrably created new options for himself. His main field of work, before the Brotherhood 2.0 project, was in ecology. (That's simplifying it.) A few years later, he's a multi-album, sell-out-touring musician (with his own record company, too, DFTBA Records), who runs a major video conference every year (Vid-Con), helped produce a web-series (The Lizzie Bennett Diaries) and runs a number of smaller, but still significant, projects, including a business that sells 2-D Glasses. His choice way back in his teens? To study Science. Hank also considers the greater questions in life, but he's a teaching qualification away from having his own classroom, even for Science, but that doesn't stop him running Sci-Show and co-running Crash Course on YouTube.

But what about someone without a college qualification? Of the people I'm familiar with online, Alex Day - another YouTuber - shows that you don't need to have a degree to make something of yourself. He's a college dropout turned Top-40 musician. (I don't think he liked the course very much, though his one-time membership in Mensa suggests he was more than capable of actually completing it.) He also releases albums with DFTBA Records, along with t-shirts, but released his singles solo. He also has a card game (made with his cousin) called Sopio, and runs Life Scouts.

Do our choices limit our options? Not necessarily. Day and the Green Brothers (John being a former hospital chaplain, among other things, before finding fame and fortune through vlogbrothers and his New York Times Bestselling novels - enough to live on with his wife, son, dog, and a second child on the way) show clearly that their choices in their teenage years didn't stop them following through on their dreams and ambitions. Is it possible for everybody else?

Let's look at it in my case. Technically speaking, I'll be qualified to teach. However, a degree in English also allows for me to work comfortably in a number of different fields, including publishing and journalism. I made the decision to write as much as possible when I was fourteen years old, and that hasn't limited anything I've done in life. Far from it. If anything, I've given myself more options, especially coming to the end of my college years.

But I also have an interest in business. I read about it as much as I can, when I'm not working on essays or studying for exams. I have a business plan in the works (a project I've mentioned before in more vague terms that is becoming less of a secret with certain people, but still very much private), something that has only been affected by one formal choice in my life - to study Business at Leaving Cert level - but is otherwise based upon my own interests.

What's most significant about this, for people who might feel they are limited by what they studied formally, is that something I did privately, out of my own interest, that was in no way connected to my formal education, is now affecting my life in a postive way. Just as Alex liked card games, John loved writing and Hank enjoyed music and videos, my personal interests are impacting on the options I have in life, opening them up, rather than limiting what I can do in life.

Something Dave Lordan mentioned at yesterday's workshop comes to mind as I write this, too: it's not the builders, the electricians or the plumbers he knows who are finding work, but the writers, the artists and the musicians. Working in the Arts is an option, now, more so than ever before, and especially in Ireland.

My recommendation, though, is to learn something about business and marketing if you want to make something of yourself in the arts. (I have an interest in them, and so began reading about them before making the realisation that it was actually beneficial in being a writer.) It's possible to do something without knowing much about business, but it's much, much easier to actually have control over your life when you know how others do - this going beyond mind-set, and into actual practices. There's also the advantage of being reminded of some important factors, like who you will deal with in being an artist (in many cases, retailers, publishers and the media) and how you present yourself to these people; how forecast your money, and the reminder to pay taxes on what you earn (in some countries there's an exemption, or a reduced rate - check with your tax office!); thinking about how to work in the long-term (for businesses, making changes or releasing products); and a whole lot else (especially in terms of marketing) that can make drastic and sometimes necessary changes to how to work as an artist.

Do you need a professional qualification to run a business? No.

Do you need a professional qualification to work as an artist? No.

Both are things you can pick up yourself if it suits you. You already have options in your life, based on your previous choices. Most of the time, as John Green rightly said, your decisions reduce the number of options available to you. However, that doesn't mean there aren't many decisions you can make that will do the opposite. Consider your hobbies, your current job, your current situation in life (married? kids? pets?) and the courses and books available to you, and tell me you have no more options. For most, it's simply a matter of making one more decision.

When a Hero Comes Along

John and Hank Green came along to Dublin recently. On Wednesday, they had a show in the RDS Concert Hall, which is essentially a large library that seats a thousand people. Every one of these people was excited, almost deliriously so, because for the first time two of my favourite people arrived in Dublin to put on a show the likes of which I could only ever see on YouTube, or dream about.

Usually the latter.

Starting at seven, they were on to cover the following:

- An explanation behind the writing of The Fault in Our Stars, perhaps my favourite book of all time
- A reading from the book
- Questions from audience members
- The mispronunciation of the name 'Ciara' (like 'Kieran', but without the 'n')
- A song about Quarks
- A horse-head mask
- Songs about Harry Potter
- A song about chord progressions
- More questions from audience members
- A slap in the face
- Lots of cheering
- Crowd-volume control
- A misunderstanding of the word 'heckling'
- Five hundred miles
- A song about the book
- A signing

The latter, after all the excitement of music and laughter and reading and emotional stories about children's hospitals and Esther Earl, took the longest to get around to.

Myself and two friends waited an hour and a half to get on stage to meet John and Hank. We got our tickets signed, because only one of us knew this would happen and we should bring books. John thanked me for wearing his face, and I told him about scaring myself by forgetting it would stare at me in the bathroom mirror.

Good times.

Of course, the excitement doesn't end there. John was on Ireland AM the next morning (thank you, Mammy Carroll, for telling me about that!) and both brothers were interviewed on Two Tube. Frickin' awesome. Hank's latest video tells about their time in Dublin, though I have a feeling that John will end up showing some footage from their day-before-the-show wandering, too (because he got some footage of his book in The Gutter Bookshop which I was delighted to recognise when Hank showed them in Temple Bar). Also, we got to say good morning to Hank.

I can't wait to see that. I cheered first, I think. Then it all set off.

John described the crowd of one thousand Nerdfighters as sounding first like 100,000 people on Twitter, and then like 10,000 people on Ireland AM, and I have to say: I'm damn proud of that. Irish crowds are louder and more enthusiastic than most people expect, and it has nothing to do with alcohol (as is often the case when Irish people are loud and enthusiastic.) On Wednesday, there were mainly teenagers present, everyone sober, and we still raised the volume to a ridiculously high level, with much due excitement.

It is our duty as rarely-visited Nerdfighters to make ourselves remembered, and to make the night as awesome as possible. Mission accomplished, Nerdfighters of Ireland.

So, awesome night. I got home fairly late, but didn't care. It was all worth it. We had brownies and white chocolate while waiting to get inside, and were greeted with the type of awesomeness we could only before imagine, over and over again. It was an evening of awesome, when a hero came along.

Ze Powah of ze Interneht

So there I was browsing the Internet (as you do) and suddenly something pops up on my screen and tells me I have a trojan horse... or seven. I thought, "That's annoying and untrue." I was right on both accounts. I saw that a file was on my computer - well, it was a programme. It was called My Security Shield. I hadn't downloaded it, but I knew it was trouble. So I did what I always do when I'm distressed about something: I did some research.

My Security Shield is one of the latest in a line of viruses that pretend to show you other viruses to get you to download (once you've paid money) this particular software to help kill these malicious viruses that have gotten onto your computer. In my case, they attacked my laptop. In every case with My Security Shield, they are Red Herrings. What this means is that the files are actually fake. They are harmless and only detectable as viruses by - you guessed it - My Security Shield. I'll call it MSS from now on.

So, MSS planted these files on my laptop after worming its way into the system. It changes the host settings to stop it getting deleted and in some cases can even delete attacking software that tried to remove it. I found a handy guide that explained all this in full. I used its recommended software to kill MSS. It took a lot of time.

So, I did what I always do when my laptop is on the fritz: I went to the desktop. I tweeted about my problem, found my answers, and looked at a lot of videos online. They were all the lovely work of John and Hank Green, because they are awesome. Watching one of their videos also answered a question that is vague and wonderful in equal proportions: penguin, elephant or tiger? The answer is elephant. More on this in the future.

Through the power of the Internet (yeah, that's what the title is suggesting...) I managed to kill MSS and entertain myself. The power of the Internet also allowed myself and another writer on Twitter come up with the idea of having a sofa in a kitchen. This has the advantage of having a comfortable place from which a writer need not get up from to get tea, while having the disadvantage that the sofa needs to be easy to clean, and one would need to get someone like Ferris with his ability to drive several types of vehicle, including something to knock down a wall and something to carry away the debris. The cost of this goes up a bit very quickly. Even if Ferris were to knock down a wall in my house for free, I'd have a problem getting him to put one back up for free.

So, I think we all have a few lessons to learn from this. 1. The Internet is capable of both creating World Suck and 2. destroying it. Also 3. don't knock down your kitchen walls. Or 4. any other wall in your house, unless you have money to put it back up and 5. a trained professional to do the job for you.