So there I was browsing the Internet (as you do) and suddenly something pops up on my screen and tells me I have a trojan horse... or seven. I thought, "That's annoying and untrue." I was right on both accounts. I saw that a file was on my computer - well, it was a programme. It was called My Security Shield. I hadn't downloaded it, but I knew it was trouble. So I did what I always do when I'm distressed about something: I did some research.
My Security Shield is one of the latest in a line of viruses that pretend to show you other viruses to get you to download (once you've paid money) this particular software to help kill these malicious viruses that have gotten onto your computer. In my case, they attacked my laptop. In every case with My Security Shield, they are Red Herrings. What this means is that the files are actually fake. They are harmless and only detectable as viruses by - you guessed it - My Security Shield. I'll call it MSS from now on.
So, MSS planted these files on my laptop after worming its way into the system. It changes the host settings to stop it getting deleted and in some cases can even delete attacking software that tried to remove it. I found a handy guide that explained all this in full. I used its recommended software to kill MSS. It took a lot of time.
So, I did what I always do when my laptop is on the fritz: I went to the desktop. I tweeted about my problem, found my answers, and looked at a lot of videos online. They were all the lovely work of John and Hank Green, because they are awesome. Watching one of their videos also answered a question that is vague and wonderful in equal proportions: penguin, elephant or tiger? The answer is elephant. More on this in the future.
Through the power of the Internet (yeah, that's what the title is suggesting...) I managed to kill MSS and entertain myself. The power of the Internet also allowed myself and another writer on Twitter come up with the idea of having a sofa in a kitchen. This has the advantage of having a comfortable place from which a writer need not get up from to get tea, while having the disadvantage that the sofa needs to be easy to clean, and one would need to get someone like Ferris with his ability to drive several types of vehicle, including something to knock down a wall and something to carry away the debris. The cost of this goes up a bit very quickly. Even if Ferris were to knock down a wall in my house for free, I'd have a problem getting him to put one back up for free.
So, I think we all have a few lessons to learn from this. 1. The Internet is capable of both creating World Suck and 2. destroying it. Also 3. don't knock down your kitchen walls. Or 4. any other wall in your house, unless you have money to put it back up and 5. a trained professional to do the job for you.