Poetic Focus

Progress on The Hounds of Hell was practically non-existent today. I'm still hoping to have the energy to write at least the rest of the chapter I was working on once I finish up here.

My principal problem was that I couldn't sleep last night. This put me in a position of having a headache for most of the day that makes looking at a screen a challenge and a half. I've been avoiding writing this blog post all day for that very reason, instead focusing on part of what kept me awake so late in the first instance: poetry.

Last night, upon realising that it was Bed Time and I hadn't written a poem in the whole day, I started writing one. Forty minutes later, I put down my pen and did a line count: 120 lines. Rhyming. It took quite a lot out of me, and not just because it's an mini-epic of life and death.

Having written it, though, I couldn't sleep. When I then woke up, I wasn't sure if I could leave it there as the last poem I'd written. So, I wrote a happier poem, one about The World of Orange. That was followed by poems about exams and spelling and grammar, because there was something there that I could see, something I could take advantage of that was fun and simple and less miserable than last night's poem.

It didn't make me feel horrible to have written it, mind you, but it was a bit dark in places and I didn't want to just leave it there. I've been writing poems in the same notebook for the past couple of weeks, now, and I don't want there to be a wholly negative chunk of it as some form of conclusion. (Not that it's actually a sequence.)

This has, of course, all been part of my hopes to write more poetry, because I didn't feel like I'd written enough, or was writing enough. Now, I'm facing something of an opposite problem: I'm taking a huge focus on poetry, and not enough on fiction.

That is something I want to change, without sacrificing one for the other.

If I can manage it, I'd like to up the ante a bit. From tomorrow onwards, every day shall see me:

1. Publishing a blog post here.
2. Writing a poem.
3. Writing fiction.

Not necessarily in that order, of course, since the five poems I've written today were all completed before this post had even been conceived. (I'd planned on writing about "strong female characters", but my brain is too melted for that. Soon. Soon.) Tomorrow, I'll write a chunk of fiction - definitely enough to finish the chapter if I don't manage that tonight - as well as writing at least one poem and writing a blog post.

So yes, that'll be busy.

But it's a necessary busy-ness. I can't afford to not write fiction every day. It has to happen. I won't actually write enough if I don't write fiction every day. I'll probably have to take on Camp NaNoWriMo next month, too, to ensure I'm writing a ridiculous amount of fiction every day in an effort to destroy the deadline-target.

I've definitely got my work cut out for me, but this is the life I want to live. I just need to figure out the sleep thing, first. If I keep losing sleep (for some reason... I wish I knew) then I'm going to keep struggling with the writing. Fingers crossed, tonight I'll sleep, and my new daily writing plans can get under way.

Insomnia

I don't normally go through much exam stress. I panic right before going into an exam. I have to calm myself down. This year... I think I've developed insomnia because of the exams.

It's been a combination of not getting to sleep easily, to waking up ridiculously early. This morning saw me awake before half five, and unable to get back to sleep. It was made worse by a head cold causing my head to pound and my joints to hurt. But that's aside the point.

The past week or so, sleep has been difficult. I do my best to get to sleep, but eventually it comes down to trying to empty my head of ideas. I've been taking down notes in a wee little notebook I seem to be carrying with me everywhere I go now, a cheap little A5 pad with 500 pages. It's ideal.

Essentially, it's boiled down to two huge projects, and one small one. One of the larger projects is a website, the other a book. The small one...also a book. Just shorter. Surprise surprise.

Both will require a lot of work. The website more so than the book. I won't reveal much about it here, except to say that it's a writing website. I have to purchase the domain name that I like before making much more reference to it. It'll be fun, though. If all goes according to plan, I'll be launching it in June.

The book, on the other hand, will take longer to get anywhere. It's a collection of short stories and essays. I have a cover image in mind already, too. This is how much I thought about it in the early hours of the morning - a life-time ago, now. It's intended to be fun, both for me and readers. I've no idea when I'll even be able to start working on it, though I imagine it'll be a work in progress for a few months, on-and-off.

The shorter book is non-fiction. I imagine it'll be complete before the longer book. Most likely, it'll be out sometime late in the summer, or in autumn. I have other projects in mind, ones I've been hoping to get started for way too long, now. They have to take precedence. An insomnia idea can be put on the long fingers until my current plans have been followed through on.

I don't know if it's madness, half-dreams or genius that's causing me to get these ideas. However, right now, I could really do with the sleep, instead.

Studying today was made difficult on account of the fact that my concentration levels were way down. This was from a combination of tiredness and illness. Let me tell you, Bioethics: not fun when you're literally sick and tired. Scouring through notes on the principles of bioethics, abortion, euthanasia and reproductive technologies is a challenging enough task with concentration levels on high.

Still, I made it through a fair chunk of the material in my cramming for exams. Long-term study doesn't suit me too well. It doesn't suit a lot of people too well. Especially not people who are losing sleep.

I could be wrong, though, about why I'm suffering from insomnia. It could just be the sickness. I was definitely uncomfortable in bed last night. All I know is, it has to pass. For that to happen, I need to take better care of myself. This should mean more exercise and healthier food. Instead, it'll mean more comfort food. Dopamine: it happens anyway.

I'm joking, by the way. I eat healthy enough at home. (I used not to, but then I gave up everything for Lent and my compulsion to stuff my face with crap from the press isn't quite as in-my-face as it has been in the past.) I should exercise more, but that would require the willpower to actually do something. (Maybe I'll take up swimming again in the summer, he says hiding the parenthesis. At the very least walking some more...)

Anyway, I'm rambling. Insomnia is here. It's causing me to think up projects big and small and convincing myself I have the time to go through with them. It's also making study difficult, which might lead to more insomnia when I begin to really panic. This blog and a weekly visit to the comic book store are probably the only things keeping me sane at the moment. Thank God for small blessings and all that jazz.