Last night I had some trouble sleeping. I had an awful lot of my mind, including the sudden realisation that some friends who are leaving the country are doing so very soon. I kind of figured this sort of stuff would creep up on me, before pouncing suddenly.
When I woke up after a less than satisfactory sleep, I knew what I had to do: I made a list.
I wrote down each of the things that had been bothering me the night before, and beside each one I wrote down what, if anything, I could do about. I kept it simple, to a few words so it would be easy to follow, and once it became clear that for some things the solution was simple and for others there was nothing I could do to change what was going to happen, it all became a bit easier.
Part of the problem, I reckon, was that I thought about it all in one go without having time to process it properly. That's not an ideal situation for anyone to be in. Once one little bit of worry gets in, it's like a dam breaking. Suddenly every little niggling doubt about the future came down upon me.
Thankfully I know how to cope with all of this going on. The real trouble was in my head, and once I was able to get out of it - which meant not sleeping for a while - I was able to get some rest.
(As for the title of this post... it's a quote from The Simpsons, when a young Bart is terrified of the clown bed Homer made him. The same sort of fear and worry kept me awake last night, though my focus wasn't on my bed. After yesterday's story, that's probably hard to believe...)
Anyway, today, after coping with last night's worries, and after a shift in work, I did what every sane person who couldn't sleep well the night before does: I went to see a horror film. Specifically, The Conjuring. It's probably the creepiest film of the past few years, though Sinister still holds the title belt for scariest. There were less jumpy frights in The Conjuring and more spooky atmosphere building.
All in all, I'd recommend it.
I'm a big fan of horror films, though I don't get to watch as many as I'd like to. This is by and large down to the fact that when it's dark enough to make an atmosphere out of a horror film, I'm in my room writing a blog post at the last minute, but also because I don't have a huge collection of horror.
Anyway, it's getting late, I feel a hankering for a cup of tea, and I need to post this before midnight. Hopefully tonight I'll have less worries on my mind!
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Sleep Malfunction
Last night, I was at a party. Weird, right? I don't often go to parties. I don't often write about going to them much, anymore, either. The only reason I'm mentioning it at all is that I finally went to sleep at three in the morning.
When I woke up at six and needed to use the bathroom, I knew I was in trouble.
I don't get back to sleep easily after I've woken up, especially not if I have to get out of bed for whatever reason. As a result, I've been surviving on three hours' sleep all day. I eventually forced myself out of bed a second time to get tea, when I realised I wasn't going to fall back asleep again, and if I did I'd have trouble getting up.
So that sucked.
When that cup of tea was empty, breakfast was all but ready. I had another cup of tea with it, which helped. Post-shower, I grabbed a third cup. Don't judge me.
Work on a Sunday isn't actually that bad, but being tired while being there certainly makes it more painful than it ought to be. It's just a bookshop, dammit. Still, at lunch I grabbed another cup of tea. Yep, I'm an addict.
I can't remember getting another cup when I came in. I don't think I did. I had dinner, then went up to my bedroom for a while. Lying on my bed, I fell asleep for about half an hour. I am not a napping person. At all. I feel groggy afterwards. I couldn't use my elbows or knees properly. I felt weak. I had more tea.
When I eventually became too tired to keep reading The Hobbit (it's my first time...and my brain keeps noticing things and then trying to remember what happened in the first film...and trying to make sense of the events of the films being out of sync with how they appear in the book...and that's tiring!), I decided it was time to write this blog post. That's a natural response, right?
Except my brain wasn't working. I was going to write about something else, before realising a couple of sentences in that I didn't want to talk about it, and that left me stumped. Hence: the tea jokes.
Speaking of... I think it's time for another cup. I'm not going to say I'm an addict (because I don't know if you can actually become addicted to tea, and I don't want to make light of addiction), but there must be a reason I drink so much tea, and take so many pictures of me drinking tea. It might have something to do with the fact that college and exams and teaching placement for four years don't loan themselves well to sleeping properly. It might be that the tea is part of the reason I don't sleep properly all the time.
All I know is, I'm getting more tea, and I'm leaving you with Kermit.
When I woke up at six and needed to use the bathroom, I knew I was in trouble.
I don't get back to sleep easily after I've woken up, especially not if I have to get out of bed for whatever reason. As a result, I've been surviving on three hours' sleep all day. I eventually forced myself out of bed a second time to get tea, when I realised I wasn't going to fall back asleep again, and if I did I'd have trouble getting up.
So that sucked.
When that cup of tea was empty, breakfast was all but ready. I had another cup of tea with it, which helped. Post-shower, I grabbed a third cup. Don't judge me.
Work on a Sunday isn't actually that bad, but being tired while being there certainly makes it more painful than it ought to be. It's just a bookshop, dammit. Still, at lunch I grabbed another cup of tea. Yep, I'm an addict.
I can't remember getting another cup when I came in. I don't think I did. I had dinner, then went up to my bedroom for a while. Lying on my bed, I fell asleep for about half an hour. I am not a napping person. At all. I feel groggy afterwards. I couldn't use my elbows or knees properly. I felt weak. I had more tea.
When I eventually became too tired to keep reading The Hobbit (it's my first time...and my brain keeps noticing things and then trying to remember what happened in the first film...and trying to make sense of the events of the films being out of sync with how they appear in the book...and that's tiring!), I decided it was time to write this blog post. That's a natural response, right?
Except my brain wasn't working. I was going to write about something else, before realising a couple of sentences in that I didn't want to talk about it, and that left me stumped. Hence: the tea jokes.
Speaking of... I think it's time for another cup. I'm not going to say I'm an addict (because I don't know if you can actually become addicted to tea, and I don't want to make light of addiction), but there must be a reason I drink so much tea, and take so many pictures of me drinking tea. It might have something to do with the fact that college and exams and teaching placement for four years don't loan themselves well to sleeping properly. It might be that the tea is part of the reason I don't sleep properly all the time.
All I know is, I'm getting more tea, and I'm leaving you with Kermit.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Poetic Focus
Progress on The Hounds of Hell was practically non-existent today. I'm still hoping to have the energy to write at least the rest of the chapter I was working on once I finish up here.
My principal problem was that I couldn't sleep last night. This put me in a position of having a headache for most of the day that makes looking at a screen a challenge and a half. I've been avoiding writing this blog post all day for that very reason, instead focusing on part of what kept me awake so late in the first instance: poetry.
Last night, upon realising that it was Bed Time and I hadn't written a poem in the whole day, I started writing one. Forty minutes later, I put down my pen and did a line count: 120 lines. Rhyming. It took quite a lot out of me, and not just because it's an mini-epic of life and death.
Having written it, though, I couldn't sleep. When I then woke up, I wasn't sure if I could leave it there as the last poem I'd written. So, I wrote a happier poem, one about The World of Orange. That was followed by poems about exams and spelling and grammar, because there was something there that I could see, something I could take advantage of that was fun and simple and less miserable than last night's poem.
It didn't make me feel horrible to have written it, mind you, but it was a bit dark in places and I didn't want to just leave it there. I've been writing poems in the same notebook for the past couple of weeks, now, and I don't want there to be a wholly negative chunk of it as some form of conclusion. (Not that it's actually a sequence.)
This has, of course, all been part of my hopes to write more poetry, because I didn't feel like I'd written enough, or was writing enough. Now, I'm facing something of an opposite problem: I'm taking a huge focus on poetry, and not enough on fiction.
That is something I want to change, without sacrificing one for the other.
If I can manage it, I'd like to up the ante a bit. From tomorrow onwards, every day shall see me:
1. Publishing a blog post here.
2. Writing a poem.
3. Writing fiction.
Not necessarily in that order, of course, since the five poems I've written today were all completed before this post had even been conceived. (I'd planned on writing about "strong female characters", but my brain is too melted for that. Soon. Soon.) Tomorrow, I'll write a chunk of fiction - definitely enough to finish the chapter if I don't manage that tonight - as well as writing at least one poem and writing a blog post.
So yes, that'll be busy.
But it's a necessary busy-ness. I can't afford to not write fiction every day. It has to happen. I won't actually write enough if I don't write fiction every day. I'll probably have to take on Camp NaNoWriMo next month, too, to ensure I'm writing a ridiculous amount of fiction every day in an effort to destroy the deadline-target.
I've definitely got my work cut out for me, but this is the life I want to live. I just need to figure out the sleep thing, first. If I keep losing sleep (for some reason... I wish I knew) then I'm going to keep struggling with the writing. Fingers crossed, tonight I'll sleep, and my new daily writing plans can get under way.
My principal problem was that I couldn't sleep last night. This put me in a position of having a headache for most of the day that makes looking at a screen a challenge and a half. I've been avoiding writing this blog post all day for that very reason, instead focusing on part of what kept me awake so late in the first instance: poetry.
Last night, upon realising that it was Bed Time and I hadn't written a poem in the whole day, I started writing one. Forty minutes later, I put down my pen and did a line count: 120 lines. Rhyming. It took quite a lot out of me, and not just because it's an mini-epic of life and death.
Having written it, though, I couldn't sleep. When I then woke up, I wasn't sure if I could leave it there as the last poem I'd written. So, I wrote a happier poem, one about The World of Orange. That was followed by poems about exams and spelling and grammar, because there was something there that I could see, something I could take advantage of that was fun and simple and less miserable than last night's poem.
It didn't make me feel horrible to have written it, mind you, but it was a bit dark in places and I didn't want to just leave it there. I've been writing poems in the same notebook for the past couple of weeks, now, and I don't want there to be a wholly negative chunk of it as some form of conclusion. (Not that it's actually a sequence.)
This has, of course, all been part of my hopes to write more poetry, because I didn't feel like I'd written enough, or was writing enough. Now, I'm facing something of an opposite problem: I'm taking a huge focus on poetry, and not enough on fiction.
That is something I want to change, without sacrificing one for the other.
If I can manage it, I'd like to up the ante a bit. From tomorrow onwards, every day shall see me:
1. Publishing a blog post here.
2. Writing a poem.
3. Writing fiction.
Not necessarily in that order, of course, since the five poems I've written today were all completed before this post had even been conceived. (I'd planned on writing about "strong female characters", but my brain is too melted for that. Soon. Soon.) Tomorrow, I'll write a chunk of fiction - definitely enough to finish the chapter if I don't manage that tonight - as well as writing at least one poem and writing a blog post.
So yes, that'll be busy.
But it's a necessary busy-ness. I can't afford to not write fiction every day. It has to happen. I won't actually write enough if I don't write fiction every day. I'll probably have to take on Camp NaNoWriMo next month, too, to ensure I'm writing a ridiculous amount of fiction every day in an effort to destroy the deadline-target.
I've definitely got my work cut out for me, but this is the life I want to live. I just need to figure out the sleep thing, first. If I keep losing sleep (for some reason... I wish I knew) then I'm going to keep struggling with the writing. Fingers crossed, tonight I'll sleep, and my new daily writing plans can get under way.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Insomnia
I don't normally go through much exam stress. I panic right before going into an exam. I have to calm myself down. This year... I think I've developed insomnia because of the exams.
It's been a combination of not getting to sleep easily, to waking up ridiculously early. This morning saw me awake before half five, and unable to get back to sleep. It was made worse by a head cold causing my head to pound and my joints to hurt. But that's aside the point.
The past week or so, sleep has been difficult. I do my best to get to sleep, but eventually it comes down to trying to empty my head of ideas. I've been taking down notes in a wee little notebook I seem to be carrying with me everywhere I go now, a cheap little A5 pad with 500 pages. It's ideal.
Essentially, it's boiled down to two huge projects, and one small one. One of the larger projects is a website, the other a book. The small one...also a book. Just shorter. Surprise surprise.
Both will require a lot of work. The website more so than the book. I won't reveal much about it here, except to say that it's a writing website. I have to purchase the domain name that I like before making much more reference to it. It'll be fun, though. If all goes according to plan, I'll be launching it in June.
The book, on the other hand, will take longer to get anywhere. It's a collection of short stories and essays. I have a cover image in mind already, too. This is how much I thought about it in the early hours of the morning - a life-time ago, now. It's intended to be fun, both for me and readers. I've no idea when I'll even be able to start working on it, though I imagine it'll be a work in progress for a few months, on-and-off.
The shorter book is non-fiction. I imagine it'll be complete before the longer book. Most likely, it'll be out sometime late in the summer, or in autumn. I have other projects in mind, ones I've been hoping to get started for way too long, now. They have to take precedence. An insomnia idea can be put on the long fingers until my current plans have been followed through on.
I don't know if it's madness, half-dreams or genius that's causing me to get these ideas. However, right now, I could really do with the sleep, instead.
Studying today was made difficult on account of the fact that my concentration levels were way down. This was from a combination of tiredness and illness. Let me tell you, Bioethics: not fun when you're literally sick and tired. Scouring through notes on the principles of bioethics, abortion, euthanasia and reproductive technologies is a challenging enough task with concentration levels on high.
Still, I made it through a fair chunk of the material in my cramming for exams. Long-term study doesn't suit me too well. It doesn't suit a lot of people too well. Especially not people who are losing sleep.
I could be wrong, though, about why I'm suffering from insomnia. It could just be the sickness. I was definitely uncomfortable in bed last night. All I know is, it has to pass. For that to happen, I need to take better care of myself. This should mean more exercise and healthier food. Instead, it'll mean more comfort food. Dopamine: it happens anyway.
I'm joking, by the way. I eat healthy enough at home. (I used not to, but then I gave up everything for Lent and my compulsion to stuff my face with crap from the press isn't quite as in-my-face as it has been in the past.) I should exercise more, but that would require the willpower to actually do something. (Maybe I'll take up swimming again in the summer, he says hiding the parenthesis. At the very least walking some more...)
Anyway, I'm rambling. Insomnia is here. It's causing me to think up projects big and small and convincing myself I have the time to go through with them. It's also making study difficult, which might lead to more insomnia when I begin to really panic. This blog and a weekly visit to the comic book store are probably the only things keeping me sane at the moment. Thank God for small blessings and all that jazz.
It's been a combination of not getting to sleep easily, to waking up ridiculously early. This morning saw me awake before half five, and unable to get back to sleep. It was made worse by a head cold causing my head to pound and my joints to hurt. But that's aside the point.
The past week or so, sleep has been difficult. I do my best to get to sleep, but eventually it comes down to trying to empty my head of ideas. I've been taking down notes in a wee little notebook I seem to be carrying with me everywhere I go now, a cheap little A5 pad with 500 pages. It's ideal.
Essentially, it's boiled down to two huge projects, and one small one. One of the larger projects is a website, the other a book. The small one...also a book. Just shorter. Surprise surprise.
Both will require a lot of work. The website more so than the book. I won't reveal much about it here, except to say that it's a writing website. I have to purchase the domain name that I like before making much more reference to it. It'll be fun, though. If all goes according to plan, I'll be launching it in June.
The book, on the other hand, will take longer to get anywhere. It's a collection of short stories and essays. I have a cover image in mind already, too. This is how much I thought about it in the early hours of the morning - a life-time ago, now. It's intended to be fun, both for me and readers. I've no idea when I'll even be able to start working on it, though I imagine it'll be a work in progress for a few months, on-and-off.
The shorter book is non-fiction. I imagine it'll be complete before the longer book. Most likely, it'll be out sometime late in the summer, or in autumn. I have other projects in mind, ones I've been hoping to get started for way too long, now. They have to take precedence. An insomnia idea can be put on the long fingers until my current plans have been followed through on.
I don't know if it's madness, half-dreams or genius that's causing me to get these ideas. However, right now, I could really do with the sleep, instead.
Studying today was made difficult on account of the fact that my concentration levels were way down. This was from a combination of tiredness and illness. Let me tell you, Bioethics: not fun when you're literally sick and tired. Scouring through notes on the principles of bioethics, abortion, euthanasia and reproductive technologies is a challenging enough task with concentration levels on high.
Still, I made it through a fair chunk of the material in my cramming for exams. Long-term study doesn't suit me too well. It doesn't suit a lot of people too well. Especially not people who are losing sleep.
I could be wrong, though, about why I'm suffering from insomnia. It could just be the sickness. I was definitely uncomfortable in bed last night. All I know is, it has to pass. For that to happen, I need to take better care of myself. This should mean more exercise and healthier food. Instead, it'll mean more comfort food. Dopamine: it happens anyway.
I'm joking, by the way. I eat healthy enough at home. (I used not to, but then I gave up everything for Lent and my compulsion to stuff my face with crap from the press isn't quite as in-my-face as it has been in the past.) I should exercise more, but that would require the willpower to actually do something. (Maybe I'll take up swimming again in the summer, he says hiding the parenthesis. At the very least walking some more...)
Anyway, I'm rambling. Insomnia is here. It's causing me to think up projects big and small and convincing myself I have the time to go through with them. It's also making study difficult, which might lead to more insomnia when I begin to really panic. This blog and a weekly visit to the comic book store are probably the only things keeping me sane at the moment. Thank God for small blessings and all that jazz.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Designation: Lazy Day
For the first time in way too long (so long that I can't even remember) I had the chance to sleep in until noon. Yesterday was my lazy day. I wasn't hungry enough to have to bother with breakfast, and I was allowed to sit around playing Bioshock Infinity on the PS3.
For the past few weeks, I've been stuck in a cycle. Mondays, I had to read for two reading seminars on Tuesdays (which I could have done over the weekend every week if I was smart about it) while also attending the Feedback Forum. Now, I'm happy I actually attended (especially considering I chair it...) but it's not a good idea to leave lots of reading for the night, too, so I was getting to bed pretty late, with a 9am start on Tuesdays.
That 9am start was followed by lectures until 4.30pm, with a break at 10am and an hour and a half lunch. This lunch was used on a few occasions for missed classes, so my day was regularly worse than I'd have liked.
Wednesdays were generally quiet enough for me to get my comic books before college, but then I had to read for another seminar for Thursdays. Thursdays were okay, but I was usually too tired to do much, so that by the time I finished lectures on Fridays, I had to do as little as possible. Once I came out of work at the weekends, I couldn't be bothered to get much done, before the week started all over again.
Add to this a bake sale in college one week and English week the next (which required me to set up, control and take down the lights for Drama Soc, a task which would have been much more difficult if a couple of people hadn't helped with the actual lifting of the lights to make sure they didn't break), and I was pretty damn exhausted.
Hence: noon yesterday.
Such was my tiredness that I spent most of my day playing Bioshock Infinity. It's the latest game to join the ranks in this house, and the first game I've played on the PS3 all year, if I remember correctly. I blame TP for that.
To gauge how much I played, rather than thinking of it in terms of hours... let's just say my eyes were bloodshot come bed time.
However, shooting white supremacists wasn't the only thing I did with my day. Having begun planning a book the day before, I decided it would be worth completing. The end result: a massive project that I actually feel equipped to complete during the summer. I had planned on writing this book last year, and I'm glad now that I didn't. The notes I had for that book weren't nearly complete.
So, while I had a lazy day, I still managed to accomplish something. I don't believe a day should be wasted, even if I want to spend most of my time killing game characters with hand cannons and a murder of crows. (God I love Bioshock!) But it was a mostly lazy day, and one I think I really, really needed.
For the past few weeks, I've been stuck in a cycle. Mondays, I had to read for two reading seminars on Tuesdays (which I could have done over the weekend every week if I was smart about it) while also attending the Feedback Forum. Now, I'm happy I actually attended (especially considering I chair it...) but it's not a good idea to leave lots of reading for the night, too, so I was getting to bed pretty late, with a 9am start on Tuesdays.
That 9am start was followed by lectures until 4.30pm, with a break at 10am and an hour and a half lunch. This lunch was used on a few occasions for missed classes, so my day was regularly worse than I'd have liked.
Wednesdays were generally quiet enough for me to get my comic books before college, but then I had to read for another seminar for Thursdays. Thursdays were okay, but I was usually too tired to do much, so that by the time I finished lectures on Fridays, I had to do as little as possible. Once I came out of work at the weekends, I couldn't be bothered to get much done, before the week started all over again.
Add to this a bake sale in college one week and English week the next (which required me to set up, control and take down the lights for Drama Soc, a task which would have been much more difficult if a couple of people hadn't helped with the actual lifting of the lights to make sure they didn't break), and I was pretty damn exhausted.
Hence: noon yesterday.
Such was my tiredness that I spent most of my day playing Bioshock Infinity. It's the latest game to join the ranks in this house, and the first game I've played on the PS3 all year, if I remember correctly. I blame TP for that.
To gauge how much I played, rather than thinking of it in terms of hours... let's just say my eyes were bloodshot come bed time.
However, shooting white supremacists wasn't the only thing I did with my day. Having begun planning a book the day before, I decided it would be worth completing. The end result: a massive project that I actually feel equipped to complete during the summer. I had planned on writing this book last year, and I'm glad now that I didn't. The notes I had for that book weren't nearly complete.
So, while I had a lazy day, I still managed to accomplish something. I don't believe a day should be wasted, even if I want to spend most of my time killing game characters with hand cannons and a murder of crows. (God I love Bioshock!) But it was a mostly lazy day, and one I think I really, really needed.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Sleep, please
I need sleep. Seriously. This act of trying to function like a regular member of society becomes increasingly more difficult with each disturbed night that I lose sleep. I can understand the sort of sleeplessness associated with going through a tough time emotionally, but for frick's sake I'm over that! That's the past. This is just verging on ridiculous.
I literally haven't stayed asleep throughout the night for the past three nights running. First couple of times it was because of the heat in the room. Incidentally, I suffer from the exact opposite problem in the winter months when the room is too cold to get to sleep. But I digress; the heat was keeping me awake, and then it was stirring me from my sleep.
Last night, I thought things would be different. I was sleeping well. Admittedly it took a little too long to actually drift away into the Land of Nod, but I was rightly out cold.
Until That Guy I Am arrived home and the alarm went off. Not the blaring Someone is Breaking In alarm, but the beeping that's associated with opening the front door when the alarm is set. Beep beep beep WAKE UP PAUL! At half four in the morning. He ruined the one chance at a good night's sleep I've had in two weeks.
I literally did not fall back asleep. By the time I was tired enough to sleep again I had to use the toilet. Five minutes later, my alarm to get up for work went off. So there goes those three hours of rest I could have gotten.
I need to sleep. Please let me sleep. Please? I'm asking nicely. Seriously, if you wake me I'm going to have to kill you. Them's the consequences of waking me. I'm like a sleeping dog, only I can hold a knife.
Okay, that was slightly hyperbolic (I love that word!). But seriously, wake me up and you will suffer the consequences. I'm weird when I'm tired, and not in the good way. People will begin to notice, except that I'm staying off the Internet for most of my time off so that I don't say something stupid.
It's too early to sleep. Too bright out. My curtains do nothing to block light. They just filter it into a different colour. Absotively useless. They were my mum's addition to the room. My dad's addition was adding shelves that don't hold an awful lot, breaking my bed a bit and adding the flat-packed furniture. The wardrobe looms overhead like a great white beast. It's a couple of inches shy of the ceiling.
I digressed, again! See what happens when I don't sleep. This is why I can't write too much, these days. My thoughts are going sideways. Okay... tea. Yes, I think I need more tea. Too tired to stay awake, but I won't sleep with the noise of the neighbourhood children and their screams that pierce my eardrums, and the cars driving too quickly through a residential area roaring as they pass my house. The sun hasn't quite set, though it's hidden behind houses so it no longer blinds me through my bedroom window. It's still bright out, though. Not even that grey light that falls over everything like in the winter months when the sun has gone down just enough. And not the orange glow of the street lights flaring their sodium bulbs with a slight buzzing. It's just the faded hours of an autumnal Saturday slipping away into half-light.
Yeah, I need sleep.
I literally haven't stayed asleep throughout the night for the past three nights running. First couple of times it was because of the heat in the room. Incidentally, I suffer from the exact opposite problem in the winter months when the room is too cold to get to sleep. But I digress; the heat was keeping me awake, and then it was stirring me from my sleep.
Last night, I thought things would be different. I was sleeping well. Admittedly it took a little too long to actually drift away into the Land of Nod, but I was rightly out cold.
Until That Guy I Am arrived home and the alarm went off. Not the blaring Someone is Breaking In alarm, but the beeping that's associated with opening the front door when the alarm is set. Beep beep beep WAKE UP PAUL! At half four in the morning. He ruined the one chance at a good night's sleep I've had in two weeks.
I literally did not fall back asleep. By the time I was tired enough to sleep again I had to use the toilet. Five minutes later, my alarm to get up for work went off. So there goes those three hours of rest I could have gotten.
I need to sleep. Please let me sleep. Please? I'm asking nicely. Seriously, if you wake me I'm going to have to kill you. Them's the consequences of waking me. I'm like a sleeping dog, only I can hold a knife.
Okay, that was slightly hyperbolic (I love that word!). But seriously, wake me up and you will suffer the consequences. I'm weird when I'm tired, and not in the good way. People will begin to notice, except that I'm staying off the Internet for most of my time off so that I don't say something stupid.
It's too early to sleep. Too bright out. My curtains do nothing to block light. They just filter it into a different colour. Absotively useless. They were my mum's addition to the room. My dad's addition was adding shelves that don't hold an awful lot, breaking my bed a bit and adding the flat-packed furniture. The wardrobe looms overhead like a great white beast. It's a couple of inches shy of the ceiling.
I digressed, again! See what happens when I don't sleep. This is why I can't write too much, these days. My thoughts are going sideways. Okay... tea. Yes, I think I need more tea. Too tired to stay awake, but I won't sleep with the noise of the neighbourhood children and their screams that pierce my eardrums, and the cars driving too quickly through a residential area roaring as they pass my house. The sun hasn't quite set, though it's hidden behind houses so it no longer blinds me through my bedroom window. It's still bright out, though. Not even that grey light that falls over everything like in the winter months when the sun has gone down just enough. And not the orange glow of the street lights flaring their sodium bulbs with a slight buzzing. It's just the faded hours of an autumnal Saturday slipping away into half-light.
Yeah, I need sleep.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
My Aching Head
Over the past few days, a headache has been coming. It's not fun, to say the least. It attacks in waves, and doesn't stop for quite a while. Even now as I write I get the headache pounding away, screaming mental torture. I imagine it's a result of a few things: lack of sleep, stress because of exams, and the unquietening thoughts in my head, whispering away in their own time.
Seriously, I've been waking up earlier and earlier every morning; on Wednesday, I woke up at a quarter to seven. That was planned. I knew what I was doing. I was tired, yes; I had a headache later, yes. That headache was probably as a result of studying. I made the mistake of staying up until half eleven... Thursday, I woke at half six in the morning. Against my will. My alarm was set for fifteen minutes later. It's not fun to wake suddenly like that. I headed to work that day too. That was tiring, but worth it - the shop is now open! I have a job again! And later that day, we went out for dinner. Pretty much as soon as I got a chance, I went to bed; a quarter to eleven. A headache was coming on, I was very much tired... and I woke up at a quarter past six the next morning. I've been walking to college of late, and wouldn't you know it that the day I get up earliest, I start getting a story going through my head. For half an hour, I had thoughts rushing back and forth, the plot developing in my mind, the mythology of this whole other universe being unfolded painfully as I walked on.
I was alone that day, in college. More or less, anyway. One person there, but not someone who I study with all the time. See, I've realised that certain people have an affect on me when I'm trying to study. When I was in the library on Tuesday, I could read quietly with Monica beside me. Since then, I've been in a lecture room with Liam and Anthony, and I could study perfectly well with them there, with the added bonus of silence (the library gets loud...) and the chance to have a chat every now and then. Friday, though, neither of them were there. So it was difficult to study, my headache was getting worse, and I was getting more and more tired.
I walked to town. I got rained on, which gave me a sad. I bought an umbrella, then it stopped raining. I went into Eason, bought the new Darren Shan book, and got in line for the signing. My headache didn't go away, but soon the excitement of seeing my hero again got me a bit more relaxed. I had a chat with me, which made me happier, then I walked back to college. I should also point out that at some stage during the week, I hurt my ankle, so walking is painful sometimes. I tried to study some more, but my headache was getting worse. I headed home on the bus. It rained again. This time I had my magic umbrella (one of the ones with the button that opens it!) from Penneys for €6, so I didn't get too wet. But I was tired.
Later that day, or rather in the night, I went to see Iron Man 2 with some friends. It was amazing, it distracted me from my headache and my exhaustion... until I got home. Stupidly I stayed up until half one watching a movie Conor had had on before I got home. I planned to wake up at eight the next morning (today)....
Five to six, I woke up, groaned, blacked out/fell asleep for twenty minutes, then laid awake. I had to walk to work. My headache stuck with me the entire way through the day. I still have it now, pounding away. I can barely keep my eyes open. But I'm afraid to go to sleep too early, in case I don't stay asleep too long, and then I'd be awake in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep.
Something is definitely wrong. It might be linked to the exam stress. Heck, it has to be. These exams, no matter how many times I've been told not to worry about them, are getting to me. Add in the fact that my head won't shut up, like on Friday morning, and you've got yourself my headache. I might have a high temperature, but I don't know... I find it impossible to judge for myself. I need to just take it easy. I need to get some proper rest tonight, too. I have stuff to do before my exam on Tuesday afternoon (thank God it's in the afternoon!), and I'm in work on Monday. I want a chance to rest, a bit.
Anyone with any recommendations, please speak up. Need a way to get to sleep without resorting to thinking about something, or taking any drugs... just a natural remedy that I can use tonight!
Peace, Love and Potter,
Paul.
Seriously, I've been waking up earlier and earlier every morning; on Wednesday, I woke up at a quarter to seven. That was planned. I knew what I was doing. I was tired, yes; I had a headache later, yes. That headache was probably as a result of studying. I made the mistake of staying up until half eleven... Thursday, I woke at half six in the morning. Against my will. My alarm was set for fifteen minutes later. It's not fun to wake suddenly like that. I headed to work that day too. That was tiring, but worth it - the shop is now open! I have a job again! And later that day, we went out for dinner. Pretty much as soon as I got a chance, I went to bed; a quarter to eleven. A headache was coming on, I was very much tired... and I woke up at a quarter past six the next morning. I've been walking to college of late, and wouldn't you know it that the day I get up earliest, I start getting a story going through my head. For half an hour, I had thoughts rushing back and forth, the plot developing in my mind, the mythology of this whole other universe being unfolded painfully as I walked on.
I was alone that day, in college. More or less, anyway. One person there, but not someone who I study with all the time. See, I've realised that certain people have an affect on me when I'm trying to study. When I was in the library on Tuesday, I could read quietly with Monica beside me. Since then, I've been in a lecture room with Liam and Anthony, and I could study perfectly well with them there, with the added bonus of silence (the library gets loud...) and the chance to have a chat every now and then. Friday, though, neither of them were there. So it was difficult to study, my headache was getting worse, and I was getting more and more tired.
I walked to town. I got rained on, which gave me a sad. I bought an umbrella, then it stopped raining. I went into Eason, bought the new Darren Shan book, and got in line for the signing. My headache didn't go away, but soon the excitement of seeing my hero again got me a bit more relaxed. I had a chat with me, which made me happier, then I walked back to college. I should also point out that at some stage during the week, I hurt my ankle, so walking is painful sometimes. I tried to study some more, but my headache was getting worse. I headed home on the bus. It rained again. This time I had my magic umbrella (one of the ones with the button that opens it!) from Penneys for €6, so I didn't get too wet. But I was tired.
Later that day, or rather in the night, I went to see Iron Man 2 with some friends. It was amazing, it distracted me from my headache and my exhaustion... until I got home. Stupidly I stayed up until half one watching a movie Conor had had on before I got home. I planned to wake up at eight the next morning (today)....
Five to six, I woke up, groaned, blacked out/fell asleep for twenty minutes, then laid awake. I had to walk to work. My headache stuck with me the entire way through the day. I still have it now, pounding away. I can barely keep my eyes open. But I'm afraid to go to sleep too early, in case I don't stay asleep too long, and then I'd be awake in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep.
Something is definitely wrong. It might be linked to the exam stress. Heck, it has to be. These exams, no matter how many times I've been told not to worry about them, are getting to me. Add in the fact that my head won't shut up, like on Friday morning, and you've got yourself my headache. I might have a high temperature, but I don't know... I find it impossible to judge for myself. I need to just take it easy. I need to get some proper rest tonight, too. I have stuff to do before my exam on Tuesday afternoon (thank God it's in the afternoon!), and I'm in work on Monday. I want a chance to rest, a bit.
Anyone with any recommendations, please speak up. Need a way to get to sleep without resorting to thinking about something, or taking any drugs... just a natural remedy that I can use tonight!
Peace, Love and Potter,
Paul.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sleep
I find that since Christmas, sleep isn't coming as easily as it ought to. It's likely to do with the late nights I spent during that break watching movies and whatnot, and waking up at ten in the morning, carefree, relaxed, easy going...
Now I'm paying for it, big time. I got to bed at eleven or half eleven most nights, and I'm due to wake up at a quater to eight every morning, except Wednesdays when I'm up at seven. I have one hour to get ready for college, before I arrive fifty minutes early for my lectures, and get home before half four in the afternoon. At this point, I've been awake for sixteen hours and have had at least one cup of tea, usually.
I'm also not that tired.
In the mornings, I wish I could sleep on for another hour or two at least. At night, like when I write this, I'm tired. When I finally get into bed, I'm not. I just can't sleep.
I think I'm actually descending into a state of zombification, and immaturity as a result of it. The rude, inappropriate, yet often hilarious things I say (hilarious for the shock value, mainly) at college are all characteristic of this increasingly exhausted Me. And you know what? I still drink a cup of tea before bed.
I know - caffeine before bed? This guy's a nutter! He also left out the inverted commas, so he's referring to himself solely in the third person. Crazy!
I can manage that though. A cup of tea before bed has been ritual for me even in the days I best slept. As far as I'm concerned, it's the best thing for me before bed. Food is too heavy, milk leaves that awful film in my mouth come morning time (you know, when it feels like you've eaten the mythical spider everyone says you eat at night), water makes me need to use the toilet in the middle of the night and soft drinks don't go down well before trying to sleep. Tea for the win.
I don't want to risk not having tea, either. I'm always thirsty as I head to sleep if I don't have anything (such as right now - I haven't drunk anything since my dinner four hours ago). I'm actually in a situation where the only thing I can drink before bed is tea. And apparently that doesn't help getting to sleep.
So what do I do? How the heck can I get more sleep without resorting to mid-day naps? (because seriously, they would mess with me even more!)
And sleeping later into the morning won't help - I essentially carpool. Okay, I get a bus, but it's with my brother in the same college, so I have to leave at the same time as him. Or risk the traffic. Which I refuse to do. That's a bad thing.
Now I'm rambling. Help!
Now I'm paying for it, big time. I got to bed at eleven or half eleven most nights, and I'm due to wake up at a quater to eight every morning, except Wednesdays when I'm up at seven. I have one hour to get ready for college, before I arrive fifty minutes early for my lectures, and get home before half four in the afternoon. At this point, I've been awake for sixteen hours and have had at least one cup of tea, usually.
I'm also not that tired.
In the mornings, I wish I could sleep on for another hour or two at least. At night, like when I write this, I'm tired. When I finally get into bed, I'm not. I just can't sleep.
I think I'm actually descending into a state of zombification, and immaturity as a result of it. The rude, inappropriate, yet often hilarious things I say (hilarious for the shock value, mainly) at college are all characteristic of this increasingly exhausted Me. And you know what? I still drink a cup of tea before bed.
I know - caffeine before bed? This guy's a nutter! He also left out the inverted commas, so he's referring to himself solely in the third person. Crazy!
I can manage that though. A cup of tea before bed has been ritual for me even in the days I best slept. As far as I'm concerned, it's the best thing for me before bed. Food is too heavy, milk leaves that awful film in my mouth come morning time (you know, when it feels like you've eaten the mythical spider everyone says you eat at night), water makes me need to use the toilet in the middle of the night and soft drinks don't go down well before trying to sleep. Tea for the win.
I don't want to risk not having tea, either. I'm always thirsty as I head to sleep if I don't have anything (such as right now - I haven't drunk anything since my dinner four hours ago). I'm actually in a situation where the only thing I can drink before bed is tea. And apparently that doesn't help getting to sleep.
So what do I do? How the heck can I get more sleep without resorting to mid-day naps? (because seriously, they would mess with me even more!)
And sleeping later into the morning won't help - I essentially carpool. Okay, I get a bus, but it's with my brother in the same college, so I have to leave at the same time as him. Or risk the traffic. Which I refuse to do. That's a bad thing.
Now I'm rambling. Help!
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