Remembering Robin Williams

I held back the tears from the moment I heard that Robin Williams had died, in what had been an unconfirmed report of suicide. I held them back while I was with friends, and while I was in public, until I was too tired to cry.

He was a man whose movies had helped shape my childhood. I knew him for Mrs. Doubtfire, for Patch Adams, for Jack, for Jumanji. He was a father, a healer, a misunderstood child, a lost hero. He was the boy who was never meant to grow up, a teacher, a doctor.

In the end, he was a husband, a father, a comic genius, and he was suffering.

Depression takes people to strange place. For some, it can mean the difference between a productive day, or staying in bed until the sun sets all over again. For others, it can mean sadness at every incident in the day, tears held back only for as long as someone else is looking. For others still, it can cloud the mind to reality, blocking out the bright lights of family and friends and loved ones, until the person gives in to something bigger than himself - alcoholism, drug abuse, suicidal ideation.

It can happen at any moment in our lives. It can affect teachers, doctors, lawyers, builders, actors. Whatever form it takes, depression leaves a path of ruin and wreck in its wake, a path that's visible only in hindsight in many cases.

No one could have predicted that Robin Williams would die by suicide.

Let it just be said: someone who dies by suicide is not being selfish. From idea to act, it is cruel to everyone it affects. From a mind plagued by the thought of it, to the family left behind after it, suicide hurts. Anyone who dares to say otherwise who has never suffered from suicidal ideation is only contributing to the hurt of loss felt by the mourners and grievers.

In many ways, Robin Williams was a lucky man. Though he met a tragic end, he gave the world the greatest gifts any human being could ever give. He gave us hope, and laughter, profound joy and wisdom in equal measure. He was adored by millions, and I have no doubt that he knew it, and he will be missed sorely.

He will be missed while people watch a lonely man attempt to reach out to his family again. He will be missed while a medical student plays a clown in an attempt to alleviate the suffering of his patients. He will be missed when a young boy in a grown-up's body makes friends and comes to terms with his mortality. And he will be missed when a man ripped from this world tries to protect those who brought him back.

Robin Williams was - and still is - many things, to many people, and it is only right that when we think about him, we remember his work, the joy he brought to so many people, the smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye. His death is tragic and terrible, but if we are to focus on it, it should be in light of making the world a better place for other people who suffer from a mental illness. Like a star in the night sky, Robin Williams light can still shine on for years to come.

At this time, we are right to mourn, and the world needs to give his family that opportunity, and its support.

Rest in Peace, Robin Williams.

Helplines: (Courtesy of thejournal.ie, amended)

Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org 

Console 1800 247 247 – (suicide bereavement)

1Life 1800 247 100 or text HELP to 51444 - (suicide prevention)

Aware 1890 303 302 (depression, anxiety)

Pieta House 01 601 0000 or email mary@pieta.ie - (suicide, self-harm, bereavement)

Teen-Line Ireland 1800 833 634 (for ages 13 to 19)

Childline 1800 66 66 66 (for under 18s)

The Non-Writing Book Recommendations

After my other list of books for writers, it makes sense to follow up with one that isn't primarily focused on writing, but can illustrate some important ideas and styles for writers to take note of. This isn't extensive, and it all comes down to my personal tastes, but I can guarantee you one thing: a book won't make it onto this list if I haven't read it - because there are already dozens of articles online with the same books on them as recommendations.

Paper Towns by John Green

Why? It is, in essence, a road-trip novel, and one that captures the experience so perfectly that it made me want to go on one myself. (Though, for the record, I don't actually have my a car of my own to do that with.) Don't attempt to write a road-trip book unless (a) you've been on one and (b) you've read a road-trip book. This one is my suggestion.

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

One reason: a thought provoking but inoffensive exploration of suicide, and why one girl in particular took her own life. It's a very sensitive issue, and Asher manages to tread carefully, while covering the necessary ground - how the girl felt, how those she blames felt, their reactions to her death. It's not an easy read, in the sense that it's emotionally unsettling, but overall it's worth the experience.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

For it's treatment of racism, and the exploration of race through a child's eyes, it's a vital read. Why any school would ever ban this, I'll never understand. Bare-faced and daring, tense and unnerving, if you haven't read it, you need to.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson

Lawson's only book to date, this memoir of growing up in Texas explores a number of topics that many writers may never find themselves going through - and many more than writers are incredibly likely to experience. From a bizarre childhood to issues in parenting and motherhood, as well as an exploration of depression, Lawson somehow managed to create a book that was both hilarious and insightful, and, for a couple of chapters, heartbreaking.

One Red Paperclip by Kyle McDonald

The message from this memoir is simple: strange things are possible for ordinary people. If you think writing about suicide or racism or motherhood or road trips might present themselves as being too out-there for some readers, seemingly normal, but just a stretch too far with the imagination, then look no further than the Canadian who, through a series of trades, went from owning one red paperclip to owning a house. It's happened in real life - so who's to say whether or not you're pushing your luck with an idea? There are no limits in fiction, but especially not after Kyle McDonald pulled off this amazing feat.

The Commitments by Roddy Doyle

Why? The music. You don't necessarily have to like Soul music, but as a novel, it's a good example of how a band can come together, and how to include songs in a book. It also works as a great example of how a book can be written almost entirely using dialogue. Some of the colloquialisms may be difficult to understand for readers outside of Ireland, but there are always Irish readers out there who will happily translate for you.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

For an understanding of Asperger's Syndrome - albeit one that should be taken with a pinch of salt - Haddon's novel is a must read. A story of emotional difficulty, a search for meaning, and a seemingly impossible journey, it's ideal for writers trying to figure out how to make their characters different without making them weird. Even today, few writers include stories with autistic characters in the main cast - I've only ever seen one other character who fell into the category, in Cassandra Clare's latest novel, City of Heavenly Fire, and even then it isn't stated explicitly. If it doesn't challenge you to do something out of the ordinary with your protagonist(s), then nothing will. (Just, you know, be respectful of people who are actually going through the same things as your characters, and don't glorify what makes them different.)

Do you have any recommendations?

My list isn't comprehensive, but the books here present vast differences in stories and how they're told. I hope that, when you're working on your own ideas, these books might help highlight some key ideas for you to explore in a contemporary setting. (Or not.) Do you have any recommendations of your own? What books do you think writer should be reading?

Future Books and Future Plans

My friends poked fun at me when I said, in response to the challenge to come up with a book idea in thirty seconds, that I had a wall full of ideas, and I could easily pretend I just came up with one of them. I got the whole "Oh, I just have so many ideas..." line.

Well yes, yes I do.

I don't have plans, but I do have ideas. The ones I really like, I make sure to focus on. They're a mix of fiction and non-fiction, and I don't know how many of them are actually good yet. I have to see how they pan out when I try planning them, when I try to find the story around the idea.

My general plan for the next couple of years with books looks like this:

- I want to release the third Modern Irish Myth book. It'll require re-planning, and writing from scratch, but it's going to happen. Then, the series will be put on hiatus.

- I'll be releasing a series of books set in an Irish college. To put it really simply, it'll be creating a fictional world around my own college experience, inspired by events rather than people. I'm fleshing out a lot of it at the moment, but it's been exciting me for a long time, now, and it'll be appearing sooner rather than later.

- I'll be focusing on a couple more writing books in the future. Some will be specific genre-related titles, others more broad, addressing all writers. Without just giving away ideas, that's all I can say.

- After my Masters, I'll be turning my attention to researching and writing about mental health. I want to make the material accessible. If my experience on teaching placement in 2013 was any indication of the trend, even the people who should know about mental health don't. This is something I've been wanting to write about for a long time, and for the time being it'll remain in my fiction, but in the future I'll be taking on a more proactive role in the field in Ireland - and maybe even abroad.

That's just the books, of course. There's a lot else to focus on in the future, which I can't really discuss until I actually get started (I have books on mental health, and have read a bit of some of them, so I'm not breaking my own rule there). This isn't just a secrecy thing. This is a hype thing. As in, I don't want to create any hype in my own head over this stuff.

Being a writer can be a scary thing, especially when public announcements are concerned. It's with that in mind that I'm keeping a lot of things quiet until I'm ready to talk about them, and why I haven't given any indication as to what's actually going to happen in my new books. For now, you'll have to do with the vague answers I can give, and accept the fact that new material is on its way.

What I'm Working On Now

This week, a blog post was handed to me on a silver platter in a tweet, to participate in a blog hop/blog tour. The wonderful Ken Armstrong, of the Mayo variety, was in touch to find writers to follow up from his post.

I met Ken back in the days when Bebo was the exciting place to be. They had launched two new features: groups, and Bebo Authors. Ken joined the group, after I plugged it on his writing page. It wasn't until I joined Twitter that we really started talking. His blog has been a joy to follow, and it was my utmost pleasure to take the baton from him to continue on The Blogging Tour.

The gist is that at each stop, we point you in the direction of another three writers, in the hopes that they too will write a post on what they're working on now. You should check out their blogs, now, to get to know them before they put up their posts next Monday. (They might not, but hey: awesome writers!)

Darke Conteur is a writer at the mercy of her Muse. Author of stories in several genres, she prefers to create within the realms of the three 'S'; Science Fiction, the Supernatural, and Steampunk. Some with erotic elements. She has stories published in several online magazines including Bewildering Stories and Aphelion.

A gamer at heart, she also enjoys knitting, gardening, cooking and good music. When not busy writing, she looks after one husband, one wannabe rock star, three cats, and one ghost dog.

Check her out at: http://darkeconteur.wordpress.com/

I also contacted a couple of wonderful Irish writers, Ruth Long and Alison Wells, to post. If they're still up for, or you want to find out more about them, just click their names.

Incidentally, all three of the writers I contacted have books available, across different genres and on different formats. There's something for almost everyone! Now, onto to the questions that are begging to be answered!

1) What am I working on? At the moment, though it's in the early stages of writing, I'm working on a book called The Shadows of London. It's the first in a series about a few individuals in the London area who grew up with what could be described as superpowers. They're not heroes. They don't see themselves as special. As it is, the protagonist of The Shadows of London is a petty thief.

I'm also working on a couple of books on writing, but progress on them slowed down when I found something new and shiny from my childhood. (Okay, yes, I'll admit it: it's a game. I've been bitten by the procrastination bug.)

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre? I've been following the superhero genre for some time now. When I was younger, I was obsessed with the X-Men comic of the 90s. This then led to me watching Spiderman, The Justice League, Static Shock, and all manner of Batman cartoons. As I grew older, new heroes joined the mix. Several television shows featuring superheroes - or people with superpowers - were aired and cancelled, and I seemed to fall in love with each of them. Recently, superheroes are making a comeback on the big screen.

With the exception of Misfits, though, most of the stories I became familiar with didn't push the boundaries of morality, and didn't seem to focus on what might otherwise be considered a normal life. It's the normality of what I'm writing that I think sets it apart. My characters are struggling through life, the same as anyone their ages might. Collectively, they'll experience homelessness, depression, mental illness, unemployment, criminal activity, physical illness, grief, and suicide. The fact that they have superpowers are merely the other side of their stories.

The powers provide a reason for them to find each other, and a means for them to deal with their situations, the same as an author would write, or an athletic would exercise, or an artist would paint. These are their skills, their abilities, and they're as natural to them as writing is to me. They're just less common abilities than most people have.

3) Why do I write what I do? Aside from my obsession with superheroes, I've wanted to write about normal experiences that many people shy away from. I wrote a play about depression, suicide and mental illness for the sole purpose of getting people to pay attention to the existence of those conditions and actions. I want to get people to think about the difficulties others might face.

Not everything I write will have superheroes in it, but this is the constant I want to maintain for my more recent ideas. I want to tell stories about experiences that are very real, and remain taboo. Addressing the New Adult market, I want to get people my age - people who are at the beginnings of their careers as doctors and teachers, bankers and lawyers, builders and store managers - to look at the world differently. We're blessed with advancements in technology. Many of us are fortunate enough to come from relatively stable backgrounds.

Someone has to talk about these issues, because it's too easy to ignore them until it's too late. I'm not going to pretend I write simply for the joy of words. Obviously, I do love writing. But it's people that make me want to write what I do.

4) How does my writing process work? This varies from book to book, and from week to week. It all depends on how many days I work per week. In an ideal week, if I'm starting a book fresh, it looks like this:

- Plan the book.
- Write the book, either exclusively (without even stopping to play Tales of Symphonia), or spread out over a couple of weeks.
- Edit the book.

Okay, that's simplifying it a bit. The writing process is more complex than that, usually. I follow my plan strictly, but that doesn't stop me going onto Twitter or Facebook. So, really, I write on-and-off for a few hours, sometimes with some successful marathons.

Often, I'll "warm up" with a haiku or two beforehand, or I'll put on music and just focus on the word document for a couple of hours. That's how I wrote Balor Reborn, and that's how I tend to write most of my books. More recently, I'm writing while my niece is asleep (when I'm minding her, obviously), which gives me about two hours to complete something. That could be a chapter, or it could be a blog post, or a combination of the two. On a good week, I'll get my posts for the week scheduled across various sites by lunch time on Wednesday, and then focus on other projects after that for the rest of the week.

***

Anyway, you're probably tired of me talking about myself for this post. If you've gotten this far, thank you. If you're new here, welcome. And if you're Ken, thank you for passing the baton on to me. I look forward to seeing what Darke, Ruth and Alison have to say next week.

Is it Time to Police the Internet?

I heard the news today that another young girl died by suicide, choosing to take her own life as a result of bullying through Ask.fm. I'm not going to repeat the whole story here. You can probably find it by searching Google for bullying or suicide stories related to the site.

My main issue is that rather recently, Ask.fm has been at the centre of three suicides, three victims of bullying and harassment, and hasn't appeared to do anything to prevent further incidences. Its anonymous messaging continues, with people told to "drink bleach" or "go get cancer", and it once more highlights the problem with social media and developments in communication technology: cyber bullying.

In the past, bullying took place (by and large) in the schoolyard, or in the street, or in the workplace. While all of that still happens, modern technology allows the bully to break into the victim's house and intrude upon their private space with messages of hatred. Victims of cyber bullying can't escape the barrage. It attacks them where they feel safest, and it removes any semblance of protection the home might offer.

Awareness campaigns haven't quite caught up with cyber bullying. Not only do most people not feel as if they can talk about the issues of cyber bullying - it's easier to pretend it's not happening than to explain how you might have "let it happen" - most parents don't know enought about online safety and how simply telling children to avoid strangers on the Internet isn't good enough anymore. If anything, that only makes the Internet worse; there are billions of strangers who wouldn't harm you if you spoke to them online through Twitter or Google+, but there are dozens of people you do know (potentially) who would take advantage of your online presence to make you miserable.

I'm not going to pretend I understand why people treat others like that. What I can address, however, are the suicidal ideations that arise as a result of bullying. As evidenced by the three recent suicides as a result of online bullying, it's not uncommon to feel as if your life doesn't have enough value to keep on living it. In the most recent case, however, the young girl in question pointed out that sometimes a suicide attempt can be exactly what most people mistakenly assume all suicidal thoughts to be: a cry for help.

When the whole world - or your whole world, at least - seems to be against you, and you don't know how to explain how it makes you feel, and you don't understand why people treat you the way they do, and hide behind a veil of anonymity, it can be difficult to speak up and ask for help. If I thought someone was going through this sort of situation, though, there are some things I wouldn't say to them:

1. Suicide is a permament solution to a temporary problem. That's not a comfort to hear right away. When someone has agreed to find help - both with the abuse and its consequences, then it's time to highlight this point. It's more helpful for someone to realise they have done right by not taking their own lives than for someone to feel like they're thinking of doing something wrong.

2. Suicide is wrong. Someone who has been made to feel as if their existence is wrong isn't going to be put off taking their life by this point.

3. Suicidal thoughts or actions (attempts or self harm) are weird. While they aren't normal, and while someone experiencing them might not feel as if they are normal, there is the chance that someone sees them as being part of them. Pointing out that something is weird isn't going to make someone thinking or doing it feel any better about how they view themselves.

4. Suicide is never an option. Not only does this feel like a command, it's not even true. Suicide, for many people in every walk of life and in every culture around the world, is an option. It might not be one that people approve of, but the option is there. If you don't want someone to follow through on this option, tell them that instead. It's much more important for someone to hear that they are cared for, than to hear that they aren't allowed to do something.

5. Think about what you'd do to your parents if you killed yourself. While it might feel like an appeal to someone's sense of compassion and love, when experiencing suicidal thoughtss, or on the receiving end of bullying, or suffering from depression, it can feel as if you aren't receiving any love yourself. Returning it, or feeling good about anyone, can be difficult. Trying to make someone think about the consequences of suicidal actions while they are still at risk isn't a solution; it can create feelings of guilt or of worthlessness, and can make someone pull in to themselves even more as a way to get rid of any ill feeling thinking about family might bring about.

So, what should you do?

1. Be a friend. In cases of bullying, being the friend who's always there should be your primary concern. Allowing a victim of bullying or someone feeling suicidal to talk about what's bothering them is the first step towards preventing more drastic actions. If you're concerned that someone might be suffering in this way, keep an eye on them; look for any sign that something is wrong when they receive a text or look at their computer. If you know someone is giving them trouble, try to talk to them about it. If they don't want to mention something because they think things will get worse if they do, suggest being the one to report that something is wrong. In cases of bullying in schools, it can be easy to spot the bully once it's evident what they're doing.

2. Try to make arrangements to spend time with your friend away from a computer. A trip to the cinema or the theatre can be a good distraction, as any mobile devices that might be used to receive texts or emails or to use social media (including Ask.fm and Facebook) will have to be turned off.

3. Direct your friend to support services, and help them tell their parents and teachers (or employers, friends, etc.). Having more people to talk to and more ways to deal with the problems are essential.

4. Encourage your friend to (a) delete their Ask.fm account and (b) block anyone giving them trouble on Facebook or Twitter. Report bullies on any and all sites on which they are active.

In the long run, the less people using Ask.fm the better. At the moment, it doesn't support users who are being victimised and bullied. It makes cyber bullying too easy, and it provides one more easy avenue into someone's life. Anonymity is a dangerous tool for a bully to possess. Be aware, however, that it is possible to track anonymous users if the police are involved. Cyber bullying, in Ireland at least, is now a criminal offence, boarding on harassment. It's possible to catch the people causing your friend or loved one trouble.

For those who might have seen this happen already: don't feel guilty if your friend was in some distress and you didn't notice. It can be difficult to tell when someone is being bullied when it doesn't involve physical violence, and it's almost impossible to tell how someone is feeling at any given time of the day. The most important thing you can do is be there in future, and learn as much as you can about bullying, mental health issues like depression, and suicide. While it's not an easy topic to address, knowlegde and awareness are the first steps in preventing further incidences.

On Mental Health

It’s 2013. My experience with Mental Health Awareness over the past year and a half has shown me a few things, which I feel are worth highlighting. This will not be pleasant for everyone reading, but this is important for everyone. That’s Mental Health in a nut-shell.

The first thing I can point out is obvious: many, if not most, people feel uncomfortable talking about Mental Health. Of these, a majority will struggle to address depression or suicide openly. In Ireland, and around the world, these topics are taboo, linked with harsh stigmas and stereotypes. The end result is a crushing silence, like a wave of black water crashing around the sufferers of mental illnesses; there is no hope to see nor kind word to hear for as long as people misunderstand and refuse to listen. There is no way out of the suffering.

Seem bleak? I’m only getting started.

It is common that people will debate the idea that any form of mental illness will affect them in any way. This includes through other people. As such, they believe knowing about it is of no use to them.

So let’s clarify: anyone can become subject to the effects of mental illness, and everyone has a responsibility to be open to learning about Mental Health. Why? Because anyone can be affected, and anyone could be needed. Anyone. Not just a doctor, or a priest, or a qualified professional. Anyone could find themselves having difficulty with someone who has had a month’s worth of bad days. Anyone could find themselves helpless to watch as someone threatens to take their own life. Literally anyone could find themselves in a situation that, if they don’t listen, if they aren’t willing to learn, they will not be able to manage.

Very few people know if they are depressed, if someone else is depressed, or why someone with depression might find the flippant use of the word ignorant and/or insulting. There is no way for anyone to understand, without experiencing depression themselves, except that the effects of depression are not short-term (i.e. a couple of days) or easy to express. There is a pain to the sadness that can be brought about by depression, by the anxiety that accompanies it, and by the desperation that clings to sufferers as they attempt to find a way out.

Worse still, there are many who don’t know any other way out of the suffering by suicide. This becomes even more problematic the stronger the stigma attached to suicide is in any given society. How does someone talk about thoughts of suicide in a society that will not listen and does not understand? The simple answer: they don’t, because they can’t. Have you ever wondered by the rates of suicide are so high?

What do you say to someone who is feeling suicidal? There aren’t many people who know that to say, how to respond, what to do, or how to temper their reactions. Yes, shock is allowed. Disgust should be reserved. Anger should be avoided completely. Pity is acceptable, if it comes with a willingness to listen, and without patronisation. The whole scope of human emotion makes this a complication subject. There aren’t many who know what to do when faced with thoughts of suicide in another person.

And finally, for now, there appears to be a gap in the knowledge about the actual existence of Mental Health. During a talk on awareness, I was asked a simple but significant question, ‘What is Mental Health?’

I’m not a doctor. I’m not a counsellor. But I have studied, and continue to study, in these areas. I care. And this year, I want to make a difference in this area. Consider this the first public announcement of a project that could very well change my life forever. More importantly, it could save someone else’s.

There’s still a lot of work to be done, to make sure everything is ready to launch later in the year. In the meantime, the first step comes down to you: talk about Mental Health.

The Evening Before

Ahead of my talk to the students of my placement school, I'm having some doubts. Mental Health is a pretty major topic, and I've never spoken about it on a public level before. As it is, I'm not much for public talking. Classrooms I can manage, because I feel in control of the situation, and I'm able to give them assessment, but I can't force a student to be comfortable with the idea of talking about Mental Health.

I think my biggest concern is that, standing in front of them, I might not be able to answer their questions. I'm leaving a chance for them to ask questions related to the topic, and well, it's a pretty broad one. I don't have all the answers, though I am working on learning as much as I can about it all.

I don't know, I guess I'm just worried that someone will have a question that's extremely important to them and I won't be able to answer it for them. I'm covering a broad range of material, from neuroscience, to the teenage years and the natural feelings of that time, to depression, drugs, alcohol and suicide. I'm giving them the information they need to contact specific people about specific problems.

But what if that's not enough?

I can't tell them everything there is to know about all of this. I can't tell them all about depression and the multiple ways it can affect somebody. I can't tell them all about suicide, its affect on families, the affect it can have on somebody planning it, or why people suicide. I can't tell them everything about self-harm, or alcoholism, or drug use, and I know - I know - that it's not my job to tell them all of this, and it's not possible to fit it all in within a single class period, as well as giving them a chance to actually ask something that's on their mind as a result of the talk, or give out an information sheet, or anything like that.

This is probably going to be the hardest thing I will ever do in relation to Mental Health, because it's the first time I'm properly talking about it in a public forum. It scares the heck out of me, really, but I'm hoping it will get easier.

More importantly, I'm hoping the message with sink in to anyone who might have some doubts about any of this sort of stuff, either for themselves or a family member or a friend. I know there's a lot of valuable information in the talk. I won't be casting any judgements on people, and I'll be emphasising that the students don't, either. Mental illness isn't a weakness, it's biological, like diabetes or heart disease, all illnesses affected by both genetics and environment, and I'll be damned if I don't make that point get across.

So, I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm anxious. I will probably be freaking out a bit the closer it gets to actually having this talk with the students. But you know what, I'm talking about it. I'm not keeping it all to myself. I'm doing just one simple thing to help take care of my own mental health.

How about you? Any questions on mental health that maybe, maybe, I can anticipate before the students ask them?

A Talk

At the start of my teaching placement, I found out the school was due to have a Mental Health Awareness week. I was thrilled at the idea. I was less thrilled when I later heard why the school needs to have it, but at the same time, my request to help out during the week was approved with open arms.

As a result of that, I now find myself looking at a selection of books on my bottom shelf, checking out my own recent blog post, gathering my materials from the Mental Health stand in college, and planning something in my head. I have a forty minute window in which to talk to the senior students, delivering that same talk three times: to 4th, 5th and 6th years individually as year groups.

Essentially I'm put in a position of teaching without assessing anyone, and teaching on something that isn't covered in the RE or English syllabi. I'm partially terrified about the idea, because I don't know how the students will react to the idea of someone my age with my accent (the students I teach think I sound "posh") talking to them about issues that might be affecting some of them, from depression to drug abuse to suicidal ideation. It's not that I don't know my stuff - or that I'm not working towards knowing it before the first talk - but that I'm not from the same background as they are.

I don't want that to be an issue. Thankfully I was young once. (Many would argue I'm still young, but my knees and my hearing tend to disagree.) I know not to talk down to them about this. It's a sensitive issue, and it requires some compassion and empathy.

As weird as it might sound, I'm passionate about the topic of Mental Health. I'm part of a rare breed of would-be teachers who finds psychology and neuroscience interesting. I honestly couldn't tell you where it comes from, but there you go. So, I'll be using my weird little interests in the talk. Dopamine will get a mention, naturally, as part of some transnational effects it can have on the mind, and its role in depressive moods.

But it won't be jargon. I'm determined for the talk to not just be jargon. No matter the background of the people at the talk, jargon is the wrong way to go. I want the students to be able to leave the talk capable of actually discussing the material, freed in some way from the burden and shame that goes along with mental health disorders.

It's possible I'm being ambitious, but I have to try. This is my first chance to really make a difference in this way without a fictional story to back up my point (such as The Rest is Silence). I want it go down well, and I want to leave the school at the end of that week knowing that it made even the slightest difference to the pupils. After all, I don't intend this to be the last time I ever talk about mental health awareness to a group of students.

Out of My Hands?

For me, The Rest is Silence is coming to an end. In terms of how much I can personally do with it, I mean. I hope to get it into the hands of people who can use it to continue the work we began with the first show.

We've raised a few hundred euro for charity, but that's not the important thing. The money isn't substantial enough to be important, yet. What matters with this play is that it's gotten people's attention. That's what I wanted from the offset: people need to pay attention to the issues it deals with. Mental health, depression, suicide: they affect so many people in the world today we can't afford to turn a blind eye on them anymore. It's not everyone who ignores the issue, of course, but when so many people had to be told who 1Life were, there was certainly a problem.

If you don't know, I'll fill you in briefly: 1Life are Ireland's only 24-7 suicide helpline. Its phones are staffed by trained counsellors and therapists. It's unique, but not everyone knows about them.

We chose to fundraise for them in the college, alongside the play, to help raise awareness of the issues at hand, and to help them keep the phones working. Yes, they receive plenty of support already, but when lives are at risk, is "plenty" enough? Not for me.

So, we put on a play, sold some bracelets and keyrings, wore bright yellow t-shirts and generally did a good job of telling the people of the college who 1Life were. Incidentally, for the first time since I started in the college we sold out the play. There was a great response to it, and a second college has agreed to host a show of it next week. This is before it goes to the competition on Thursday.

But I wonder if I have to let the script out into the wider world. It's something I'll need to talk to the people behind the phones about: do they want to attempt to distribute the script to theatre groups, schools and colleges themselves, or do they want me to try get it put on somewhere else? The cast aren't free this summer, not all of them, anyway.

I want to keep it going, yes, but I don't know if it would be a case of me driving the project. I mean, I would love to, but it's up to them. What do you think, Reader? Is this something I should push myself, or something I need their help with?

Either way, I had loads of fun with the play (you know, aside from the really sad parts of it), and it received a lot of positive feedback from the first audience to see it. Someone's even coming to see it again!

Let me know what you think. And if you want to know when the next shows are, visit this page: http://paulcarrollwriter.com/the-rest-is-silence/

Balance

Like everybody else in this world, I make mistake. I made one that got me upset earlier, confusing my time table and not being able to take part in a workshop as a result of it. I freaked out more than a little bit.

However, I was determined not to let it get the best of me. So I reacted with writing. However good or bad I might be (I don't pretend to be an expert in myself) it's something I know I can do at least a little bit right. So I sat down in my Nerd Corner/Corner of Shame and I got to writing. I won't say what. It's still sooper sekrit. But it had swearing and anger and I got to vent through this story all the little things that were going through my head.

It's a sort of therapy that works on me when I get a bit down, like everyone does. I'm happy writing, because it restores me to some sense of security and comfort and I don't feel like I'm going to mess up tremendously. I wrote a few hundred words, before people started arriving for Drama and I had to stop, but it was enough for me.

Writing wouldn't work for everyone. Some people, no matter how good they might be at it, don't believe in their ability. But there's something everyone can do that makes them happy, and I reckon we just need to find those things for our own emotional balance. It's like a weighing scales; when something bad happens and/or we get upset, we need something to fall back on.

For me, of course, writing a blog or an email isn't going to sort it out. I need to write fiction, something that I can just let loose with. I like to write angry characters, people with problems, people who don't know how to deal with the world, people who are weird and wonderful but don't fit in. I like writing characters that are that little bit like me that I can understand them, but that are so bizarre I still need to do some thinking about them.

And that works for me. I'm addicted to people, and making them up always helps me satisfy my need to vent problems at them.

I'm weird like that. But hey, anything to get an emotional balance right? It stops me making big mistakes (and boy do I make those...). More than that, though, it helps me make the right choices. (Bliss, The Phantom Zone, my website, The Rest is Silence...)

And this post? This was just me spewing up words. Sure it has to happen somewhere.