Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In My Experience

In my experience, the summer was wasted. I know, it's November so talking about summer seems odd, especially when I talk about it in the context of the summer to come, not the summer gone. Basically, I have come to the conclusion that rather than take full advantage of my time off - writing all the time, or reading more, rather than sitting around waiting for segmented conversations with a few individuals - then I might have gotten a whole lot more done. I could have arranged times to talk to people, or I could have done without it for some time.

Of course, during the summer gone I did not think along these lines. I was almost desperate for conversation with a few people who I didn't see very much. Recent experiences of not talking to these people very much - not necessarily talking to many people very much, actually, but not in an attempt to avoid them, just being overly busy most of the time - has brought me to a stage whereby I should be able to survive the coming summer break. Yes, it's a long time away, but due to particular, inconclusive circumstances, I have begun measures to ensure that I do not become that same desperately lonely person again.

That wasn't healthy for me, and it wasn't healthy for them, and when the summer months were over, things weren't exactly great again. Nothing was quite as I had expected it. It was a horrible, biting few weeks, and now that I have taken these measures, purposely not talking to someone - not because we're fighting, but because of changed circumstances, some of them still unsure, I had to be sure I could go for any length of time not talking to him, and other people too, before that same condition of isolation could be forced upon me again - I feel that I might survive the summer.

Between now and then, I have to go to a school to teach (dreading it, because we've never had lessons so long as the ones we have to teach, but looking forward to actually getting to the school), I have to finish my modules this semester, do the entire second semester of college and sit my exams. However, adequately prepared for the isolation that comes when everyone goes home for the summer, I intend to do a lot of writing. Last summer gone, I wrote approximately 60,000 words in the space of a month. I have three and a half months off. I could write a whole lot more if I actually put my head down. Alternatively, if I had more hours in work I could earn more money that would see me through a lot more of the college year. There's also been talk of a holiday somewhere - the jury's still out on that, though.

The point of this, though, isn't to announce my summer plans. Rather, it's to express my potentiality to actually survive the summer. The process of preparing myself has already begun, so that I am not thrown into the deep end at the end of May. Because, in my experience, that's the worst thing that can happen to me in the summer.

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