When I think back to the first book I ever wrote - the 120,000 word epic that was What Lurks Through the Mirror, I can only think of one source of inspiration for it: choice.
I was going through a tough time. I had some social problems that I wasn't addressing. I had some big exams coming up. I wasn't sleeping right. I felt a lot of pressure at home to do well.
I wanted to change my whole life, right then and there, and I felt I was lacking one very important element: choice. To me, it felt like my whole life was being planned out for me by everyone else. It felt like I wasn't allowed to have proper friends, or to do anything other than study, or to have a night's sleep that wasn't disturbed by dread and bad dreams. Worse still, it felt like I wasn't allowed to talk about these things.
So, I created Sarah Tane, a teenage girl who was going to escape her boring, quiet life. At first, things were going to be scary. She was going to have to face monsters and magic, and none of it would make sense. But then, then, she was going to get away from it all. A magic mirror was going to fall on top of her, and drag her into a little room with large mirrors, and each one was an opportunity.
I gave Sarah a choice, to live a life without magic, exploring the streets of New York, and enjoying the hustle and bustle of a world so much like her own, but with the excitement that was lacking.
Or, she could explore the ruins of a broken world, all grassy plains and strange people - a strange breed of dragon and human, or angelic warriors missing only their wings, or a wizard in a house surrounded by a perpetual storm.
Or, she could find home in a very old kingdom, sit on a throne that she was told was rightfully hers, where magic existed in artefacts in the market, and people treated her with admiration and respect.
Sarah Tane was different. Sarah was Chosen. She could decide her own fate. She had everything I wanted, and I was able to give it to her just like that. I gave her adventure, excitement, magical powers to free a kingdom, and the noble heart to choose to do right by everyone - to save the worlds from an evil that threatened everything. I gave her courage, and found some of my own.
Fate and destiny were a big deal for me then. I didn't think everything was mapped out so rigidly, once I actually put some positive thought into it, because there was something Sarah had that everyone else had too: the ability to make a choice.
I spoke up about the social problems I was having, and guess what - everything else got better, too.
I was inspired to write the book because I didn't see that I had a choice in anything I did, and doing so gave me more choices than I ever dared dream of. I think it's fair to say that if I hadn't written that book, however poorly written it actually is, I wouldn't be writing anything. Writing makes me happy with my life, but I had to realise that first.
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Monday, August 5, 2013
Is it Time to Police the Internet?
I heard the news today that another young girl died by suicide, choosing to take her own life as a result of bullying through Ask.fm. I'm not going to repeat the whole story here. You can probably find it by searching Google for bullying or suicide stories related to the site.
My main issue is that rather recently, Ask.fm has been at the centre of three suicides, three victims of bullying and harassment, and hasn't appeared to do anything to prevent further incidences. Its anonymous messaging continues, with people told to "drink bleach" or "go get cancer", and it once more highlights the problem with social media and developments in communication technology: cyber bullying.
In the past, bullying took place (by and large) in the schoolyard, or in the street, or in the workplace. While all of that still happens, modern technology allows the bully to break into the victim's house and intrude upon their private space with messages of hatred. Victims of cyber bullying can't escape the barrage. It attacks them where they feel safest, and it removes any semblance of protection the home might offer.
Awareness campaigns haven't quite caught up with cyber bullying. Not only do most people not feel as if they can talk about the issues of cyber bullying - it's easier to pretend it's not happening than to explain how you might have "let it happen" - most parents don't know enought about online safety and how simply telling children to avoid strangers on the Internet isn't good enough anymore. If anything, that only makes the Internet worse; there are billions of strangers who wouldn't harm you if you spoke to them online through Twitter or Google+, but there are dozens of people you do know (potentially) who would take advantage of your online presence to make you miserable.
I'm not going to pretend I understand why people treat others like that. What I can address, however, are the suicidal ideations that arise as a result of bullying. As evidenced by the three recent suicides as a result of online bullying, it's not uncommon to feel as if your life doesn't have enough value to keep on living it. In the most recent case, however, the young girl in question pointed out that sometimes a suicide attempt can be exactly what most people mistakenly assume all suicidal thoughts to be: a cry for help.
When the whole world - or your whole world, at least - seems to be against you, and you don't know how to explain how it makes you feel, and you don't understand why people treat you the way they do, and hide behind a veil of anonymity, it can be difficult to speak up and ask for help. If I thought someone was going through this sort of situation, though, there are some things I wouldn't say to them:
1. Suicide is a permament solution to a temporary problem. That's not a comfort to hear right away. When someone has agreed to find help - both with the abuse and its consequences, then it's time to highlight this point. It's more helpful for someone to realise they have done right by not taking their own lives than for someone to feel like they're thinking of doing something wrong.
2. Suicide is wrong. Someone who has been made to feel as if their existence is wrong isn't going to be put off taking their life by this point.
3. Suicidal thoughts or actions (attempts or self harm) are weird. While they aren't normal, and while someone experiencing them might not feel as if they are normal, there is the chance that someone sees them as being part of them. Pointing out that something is weird isn't going to make someone thinking or doing it feel any better about how they view themselves.
4. Suicide is never an option. Not only does this feel like a command, it's not even true. Suicide, for many people in every walk of life and in every culture around the world, is an option. It might not be one that people approve of, but the option is there. If you don't want someone to follow through on this option, tell them that instead. It's much more important for someone to hear that they are cared for, than to hear that they aren't allowed to do something.
5. Think about what you'd do to your parents if you killed yourself. While it might feel like an appeal to someone's sense of compassion and love, when experiencing suicidal thoughtss, or on the receiving end of bullying, or suffering from depression, it can feel as if you aren't receiving any love yourself. Returning it, or feeling good about anyone, can be difficult. Trying to make someone think about the consequences of suicidal actions while they are still at risk isn't a solution; it can create feelings of guilt or of worthlessness, and can make someone pull in to themselves even more as a way to get rid of any ill feeling thinking about family might bring about.
So, what should you do?
1. Be a friend. In cases of bullying, being the friend who's always there should be your primary concern. Allowing a victim of bullying or someone feeling suicidal to talk about what's bothering them is the first step towards preventing more drastic actions. If you're concerned that someone might be suffering in this way, keep an eye on them; look for any sign that something is wrong when they receive a text or look at their computer. If you know someone is giving them trouble, try to talk to them about it. If they don't want to mention something because they think things will get worse if they do, suggest being the one to report that something is wrong. In cases of bullying in schools, it can be easy to spot the bully once it's evident what they're doing.
2. Try to make arrangements to spend time with your friend away from a computer. A trip to the cinema or the theatre can be a good distraction, as any mobile devices that might be used to receive texts or emails or to use social media (including Ask.fm and Facebook) will have to be turned off.
3. Direct your friend to support services, and help them tell their parents and teachers (or employers, friends, etc.). Having more people to talk to and more ways to deal with the problems are essential.
4. Encourage your friend to (a) delete their Ask.fm account and (b) block anyone giving them trouble on Facebook or Twitter. Report bullies on any and all sites on which they are active.
In the long run, the less people using Ask.fm the better. At the moment, it doesn't support users who are being victimised and bullied. It makes cyber bullying too easy, and it provides one more easy avenue into someone's life. Anonymity is a dangerous tool for a bully to possess. Be aware, however, that it is possible to track anonymous users if the police are involved. Cyber bullying, in Ireland at least, is now a criminal offence, boarding on harassment. It's possible to catch the people causing your friend or loved one trouble.
For those who might have seen this happen already: don't feel guilty if your friend was in some distress and you didn't notice. It can be difficult to tell when someone is being bullied when it doesn't involve physical violence, and it's almost impossible to tell how someone is feeling at any given time of the day. The most important thing you can do is be there in future, and learn as much as you can about bullying, mental health issues like depression, and suicide. While it's not an easy topic to address, knowlegde and awareness are the first steps in preventing further incidences.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Bully
I once heard that there are three versions of every story people tell - your side, the other person's side, and the truth. So far, in something of an issue in college, going back to the Facebook events I've mentioned before, and the problems they've caused, I've heard a couple of different stories regarding one thing in particular: the Book.
The Book began it all. It was because of the Book that I received abuse a couple of weeks ago, and because of the Book that that same person approached me on Thursday to issue a threat to report me for bullying. He told me why he was going to report me, and I later asked somebody else about the event, and what I have learned is that one of those people is lying, and I don't think it was the person I asked - she had nothing to gain from lying, whereas he had the removal of the Book from the college, and ultimately nothing to show that he was over-reacting to something entirely.
His Version:
He was in the computer room and people were talking about the Book, saying it was "about" people in the college. He interpreted this as those people having read the Book. The Book was "in circulation".
The Other Version:
My friend, to whom I loaned the Book so she could better understand what his problem was, was having lunch with the very same people who were talking in the computer room. They saw the Book, said he told them that the Book was "about" people in college, and then they asked to read it. She said no, put it in her bag and later left it in her house. She has not read the Book.
My Deduction:
He believes I'm trying to make him look bad.
My Version:
I loaned the Book to my friend so she could understand things better - I repeat this point because it's important. However, I loaned her the Book in the full knowledge that she understands that the Book is based loosely on things that happened in the college, that I happened by mistake to write somewhat accurately in a couple of cases, and that this guy was reading too much into the character in the first draft of the Book.
And why do I emphasise that it's a first draft? Because, as every writer knows, first drafts are rarely anything like the finished product. I do plan to change this Book, and not because it got one person upset. It was initially a writing project, something to just work on, to get a story out of, and it has yet to become what I intend it to be - a proper book. For a start, I did intend on changing the plot that focuses around the character to whom this guy relates - at the moment, he thinks it makes him look like an asshole. The character is an asshole, I won't lie about that, but that's because the Book, in its simplest form, does not work without him being like that. Cause and Effect reason that if he was a typical good guy in the Book, the events would have been different, and the one of the other characters loses some of her focus in the plot - she becomes a secondary character if there is no one to complicate things for her.
I plan on fleshing out the Book a bit. For a start, there's a bit more truth that works in the Book - time and time again, she keeps going back to him. But she has to be somewhere for her to go back.
I don't even know if he read the whole Book or if he just read the parts that he thought had to do with him. But I do know that I never intended for him to read that version of the Book. It's an unfinished product, raw and untamed and frankly a little out of my control. That he thinks the Book is "in circulation" is, lets me honest, a little ridiculous. Nevermind the fact that only two physical copies exist - the one I loaned to my friend and the one he practically stole from another friend after I gave it to her for her birthday - I just don't feel comfortable passing around my books like they're nothing. I choose who reads my books quite carefully; if someone's my friend and if I think they'd be interested or if they express direct interest in a book, I let them - and sometimes ask them - to read it. I don't just pass around my books to anybody. I certainly don't pass around books that are neither finished nor appropriate nor what I want people to read.
The accusation that I am a bully is just horrendous. I didn't do anything to directly offend him. Sure, that didn't exactly work to plan since he took the Book and interpreted it the way he did, but that was because he went behind my back to "borrow" a copy (for a day, I'm told... and that was in November and he still has it!). The person I gave it to for her birthday had already read the Book; she knew what it was all about, because she'd told me some of the stories. I asked her to read it so that I would know if she thought it was okay with me revealing some of the emotions she said she felt. The sentimentality of the Book was what was important for me and for her as a present.
The person I loaned the Book to said she won't read it until and only if he thinks it's okay that she does. So far, no one knows what actually happens in the Book and he mistook the eagerness of two people he told about the Book as it being passed around the college like a piece of juicy gossip. I was purposely avoiding that scenario by abandoning any plans to work on the Book and self-publish it through Lulu.com after the Christmas break. If I wanted people to read it I'd just email it to the whole college. That would be the Book in circulation. And it would be entirely against what I wanted. (And, just to note, the only reason I had for wanting to self-publish the Book was to try earn a little bit of money from it, not to tarnish the reputation of someone who is now doing that all by himself).
And, finally, take into account his own malice towards me, publicly too. I reckon that no one can take up a bullying case after that. I have a PDF of the whole conversation printed, in case he decides he's finally going to delete it, so he can't deny what he said - it was cruel and entirely unnecessary, and seems to have only been to get to me. And it did get to me. A lot. I'm not going to pretend that he didn't get to me with that, like I'm not going to pretend that I wasn't phased by his threat, until I learned the back-story to what had happened.
This person is a bully. He's a bully and he's trying to hide that fact by making the accusation of someone else. The simple fact of the matter is that he read something that was private, interpreted this as being public the very moment a second copy of the Book showed up, and then decided to take action, seemingly forgetting the way he treated me - the abuse and the snide grins every time he saw me because he knew he'd gotten to me. I say all this, but I keep his name private. I don't plan on doing something to him that could ruin his whole life. I don't have the same vicious conviction to hurt as he does. He just has to grow up and realise that this whole thing isn't about him, that the Book isn't about him, but that the problem is because of him disrespecting his friend by not giving back something he "borrowed", despite her asking for it back, and all in malice. That was my mistake, though - thinking that someone would be decent enough to give back a birthday present they had no right to even take in the first place, and assuming that because he never took the opportunity to talk to me about the Book face to face as an adult, if it upset him that much, that he had no problem with it. He had plenty of opportunities to talk to me alone, and he never took them.
And apparently that makes me a bully. Go figure.
The Book began it all. It was because of the Book that I received abuse a couple of weeks ago, and because of the Book that that same person approached me on Thursday to issue a threat to report me for bullying. He told me why he was going to report me, and I later asked somebody else about the event, and what I have learned is that one of those people is lying, and I don't think it was the person I asked - she had nothing to gain from lying, whereas he had the removal of the Book from the college, and ultimately nothing to show that he was over-reacting to something entirely.
His Version:
He was in the computer room and people were talking about the Book, saying it was "about" people in the college. He interpreted this as those people having read the Book. The Book was "in circulation".
The Other Version:
My friend, to whom I loaned the Book so she could better understand what his problem was, was having lunch with the very same people who were talking in the computer room. They saw the Book, said he told them that the Book was "about" people in college, and then they asked to read it. She said no, put it in her bag and later left it in her house. She has not read the Book.
My Deduction:
He believes I'm trying to make him look bad.
My Version:
I loaned the Book to my friend so she could understand things better - I repeat this point because it's important. However, I loaned her the Book in the full knowledge that she understands that the Book is based loosely on things that happened in the college, that I happened by mistake to write somewhat accurately in a couple of cases, and that this guy was reading too much into the character in the first draft of the Book.
And why do I emphasise that it's a first draft? Because, as every writer knows, first drafts are rarely anything like the finished product. I do plan to change this Book, and not because it got one person upset. It was initially a writing project, something to just work on, to get a story out of, and it has yet to become what I intend it to be - a proper book. For a start, I did intend on changing the plot that focuses around the character to whom this guy relates - at the moment, he thinks it makes him look like an asshole. The character is an asshole, I won't lie about that, but that's because the Book, in its simplest form, does not work without him being like that. Cause and Effect reason that if he was a typical good guy in the Book, the events would have been different, and the one of the other characters loses some of her focus in the plot - she becomes a secondary character if there is no one to complicate things for her.
I plan on fleshing out the Book a bit. For a start, there's a bit more truth that works in the Book - time and time again, she keeps going back to him. But she has to be somewhere for her to go back.
I don't even know if he read the whole Book or if he just read the parts that he thought had to do with him. But I do know that I never intended for him to read that version of the Book. It's an unfinished product, raw and untamed and frankly a little out of my control. That he thinks the Book is "in circulation" is, lets me honest, a little ridiculous. Nevermind the fact that only two physical copies exist - the one I loaned to my friend and the one he practically stole from another friend after I gave it to her for her birthday - I just don't feel comfortable passing around my books like they're nothing. I choose who reads my books quite carefully; if someone's my friend and if I think they'd be interested or if they express direct interest in a book, I let them - and sometimes ask them - to read it. I don't just pass around my books to anybody. I certainly don't pass around books that are neither finished nor appropriate nor what I want people to read.
The accusation that I am a bully is just horrendous. I didn't do anything to directly offend him. Sure, that didn't exactly work to plan since he took the Book and interpreted it the way he did, but that was because he went behind my back to "borrow" a copy (for a day, I'm told... and that was in November and he still has it!). The person I gave it to for her birthday had already read the Book; she knew what it was all about, because she'd told me some of the stories. I asked her to read it so that I would know if she thought it was okay with me revealing some of the emotions she said she felt. The sentimentality of the Book was what was important for me and for her as a present.
The person I loaned the Book to said she won't read it until and only if he thinks it's okay that she does. So far, no one knows what actually happens in the Book and he mistook the eagerness of two people he told about the Book as it being passed around the college like a piece of juicy gossip. I was purposely avoiding that scenario by abandoning any plans to work on the Book and self-publish it through Lulu.com after the Christmas break. If I wanted people to read it I'd just email it to the whole college. That would be the Book in circulation. And it would be entirely against what I wanted. (And, just to note, the only reason I had for wanting to self-publish the Book was to try earn a little bit of money from it, not to tarnish the reputation of someone who is now doing that all by himself).
And, finally, take into account his own malice towards me, publicly too. I reckon that no one can take up a bullying case after that. I have a PDF of the whole conversation printed, in case he decides he's finally going to delete it, so he can't deny what he said - it was cruel and entirely unnecessary, and seems to have only been to get to me. And it did get to me. A lot. I'm not going to pretend that he didn't get to me with that, like I'm not going to pretend that I wasn't phased by his threat, until I learned the back-story to what had happened.
This person is a bully. He's a bully and he's trying to hide that fact by making the accusation of someone else. The simple fact of the matter is that he read something that was private, interpreted this as being public the very moment a second copy of the Book showed up, and then decided to take action, seemingly forgetting the way he treated me - the abuse and the snide grins every time he saw me because he knew he'd gotten to me. I say all this, but I keep his name private. I don't plan on doing something to him that could ruin his whole life. I don't have the same vicious conviction to hurt as he does. He just has to grow up and realise that this whole thing isn't about him, that the Book isn't about him, but that the problem is because of him disrespecting his friend by not giving back something he "borrowed", despite her asking for it back, and all in malice. That was my mistake, though - thinking that someone would be decent enough to give back a birthday present they had no right to even take in the first place, and assuming that because he never took the opportunity to talk to me about the Book face to face as an adult, if it upset him that much, that he had no problem with it. He had plenty of opportunities to talk to me alone, and he never took them.
And apparently that makes me a bully. Go figure.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
WTF?
I predicted earlier that today would be, well, shite. I was right. Work wasn't all that great, for a start. It never is a on Sunday. When it collides with other things you could be doing (say, going to the Meath match or to the pub after, to see a couple of friends), it's only worse. Seriously, I was so pissed off that I was working today - one chance I might have to see a friend for weeks, after many weeks, too, and I'm working for it. Great.
Gave him a call (or eight) to see if I would be a nuisance going down to the pub, 'cause he's with all his friends from Meath. By the time I got through to him, I was told they were leaving in about 15 minutes. I was okay with that. I knew there was always the chance that (a) they might be going somewhere else or (b) he wouldn't want me there, because he'd be the only person I knew. Okay, (b) is paranoid Paul speaking, a bit. It was the reason I didn't head down regardless of whether or not he was okay with me being there, because I didn't want to invade on him space. That's just wrong.
So, there I was, thinking it was all fine, I'd just stay in... and suddenly I feel like I'm about to cry? What. The. Fuck? Where did that come from? I really thought I was okay with it. I really did. What the hell is the matter with me?! Anyway, listening to ELO to combat this sudden burst of bad emotions. I was told they were the music to listen to if I was feeling depressed. This is the closest I can get to that, I suppose. ELO for the night, so.
Now, if that strange burst of emotion isn't enough... well, things are about to get even more annoying for the night. There's a girl in college, who shall remain anonymous, because what I'm about to tell you paints her in a bad light. Back in May, she was annoying to a few people (side note: this is useful background info) by sending emails about our last night out. Fine, except that people already had plans, and she was using "jokes" that just made things worse (like called an email Study Tips!, and sending it to the module list of emails for the exam the next day and calling herself Ents. Officer, when there's no such thing!). I emailed her back to tell her to stop emailing like that, to stop with the things I didn't know at the time we her attempt at jokes, and to tell her that she was annoying people. She got pissed off. Badly.
We talked about it on the last night. I didn't want there to be bad blood between us when we came back to college. She hasn't said anything to me since then, but she never said anything to me before now, anyway, aside from replying to my email. I had no reason to think poorly of her. Until tonight. She's created an event on Facebook to get people in college to go to a reunion. I'm friends with her on Facebook. Anyone in the year who she's friends with on Facebook she invited to the event. Except me. She left me off the invitation list. And it's public! I can see the event. I'll be able to see who's going and who's not, where it is, when it is, and I'm not invited! She agreed that we'd put everything in the past. I explained my side of the email.
If this sort of stuff keeps up, I'll tell her she's using bullying techniques. She accused me of bullying her after I sent one email, because my friends intimidated her so much she couldn't have a bitch and moan at me about my email. Apparently I'm not allowed to sit with people at college, anymore. So she said I was bullying her. What. The. Fuck? That's not bullying, that's me calmly telling her to stop emailing before she causes trouble for herself, and me doing what I always do - sit with my friends. I can't help it that there happens to be a lot of them in the college. We're naturally drawn towards each other for not being conformists.
I shouldn't have to deal with this sort of shit. I swear, if she keeps up this exclusion thing, I will be saying something to her. Exclusion is a form of bullying. I know, because that's how I was bullied in the past. And if she denies she's bullying and keeps it up? Well, there's only four words that really sum up what will happen. The bitch will burn! (Not literally, I might add. Arson and murder aren't things I'm very fond of.)
Gave him a call (or eight) to see if I would be a nuisance going down to the pub, 'cause he's with all his friends from Meath. By the time I got through to him, I was told they were leaving in about 15 minutes. I was okay with that. I knew there was always the chance that (a) they might be going somewhere else or (b) he wouldn't want me there, because he'd be the only person I knew. Okay, (b) is paranoid Paul speaking, a bit. It was the reason I didn't head down regardless of whether or not he was okay with me being there, because I didn't want to invade on him space. That's just wrong.
So, there I was, thinking it was all fine, I'd just stay in... and suddenly I feel like I'm about to cry? What. The. Fuck? Where did that come from? I really thought I was okay with it. I really did. What the hell is the matter with me?! Anyway, listening to ELO to combat this sudden burst of bad emotions. I was told they were the music to listen to if I was feeling depressed. This is the closest I can get to that, I suppose. ELO for the night, so.
Now, if that strange burst of emotion isn't enough... well, things are about to get even more annoying for the night. There's a girl in college, who shall remain anonymous, because what I'm about to tell you paints her in a bad light. Back in May, she was annoying to a few people (side note: this is useful background info) by sending emails about our last night out. Fine, except that people already had plans, and she was using "jokes" that just made things worse (like called an email Study Tips!, and sending it to the module list of emails for the exam the next day and calling herself Ents. Officer, when there's no such thing!). I emailed her back to tell her to stop emailing like that, to stop with the things I didn't know at the time we her attempt at jokes, and to tell her that she was annoying people. She got pissed off. Badly.
We talked about it on the last night. I didn't want there to be bad blood between us when we came back to college. She hasn't said anything to me since then, but she never said anything to me before now, anyway, aside from replying to my email. I had no reason to think poorly of her. Until tonight. She's created an event on Facebook to get people in college to go to a reunion. I'm friends with her on Facebook. Anyone in the year who she's friends with on Facebook she invited to the event. Except me. She left me off the invitation list. And it's public! I can see the event. I'll be able to see who's going and who's not, where it is, when it is, and I'm not invited! She agreed that we'd put everything in the past. I explained my side of the email.
If this sort of stuff keeps up, I'll tell her she's using bullying techniques. She accused me of bullying her after I sent one email, because my friends intimidated her so much she couldn't have a bitch and moan at me about my email. Apparently I'm not allowed to sit with people at college, anymore. So she said I was bullying her. What. The. Fuck? That's not bullying, that's me calmly telling her to stop emailing before she causes trouble for herself, and me doing what I always do - sit with my friends. I can't help it that there happens to be a lot of them in the college. We're naturally drawn towards each other for not being conformists.
I shouldn't have to deal with this sort of shit. I swear, if she keeps up this exclusion thing, I will be saying something to her. Exclusion is a form of bullying. I know, because that's how I was bullied in the past. And if she denies she's bullying and keeps it up? Well, there's only four words that really sum up what will happen. The bitch will burn! (Not literally, I might add. Arson and murder aren't things I'm very fond of.)
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Gay Problem
Controversial title! Oo!
No, I'm not saying "gays" are a problem. I don't believe that, so I won't encourage others to. No, the problem is not the homosexual community, but the insult, "Gay." I know people who do like members of the same sex don't consider it an insult, but to children, who really can't be sure, and who don't even fully understand the word, it is an insult. Besides... people use homosexual more and more these days, instead of gay. Gay is now a derogitory term for just about anything bad.
I read an article today that encouraged this blog post. I think it was in the Irish Independant. Basically, kids these days use the words "gay", "girl" or "woman" to insult other boys. Why? Because they're children and don't quite get that people can have feelings regardless of gender. It's things like this that stir up foul emotions in people, but they're so afraid to say anything about it, because they'll get jeered again for not being an emotionless robot, that they bottle it up.
I'm no psychologist, but the last I heard bottling things up for years can do a lot of damage. We're talking emotionally unstable, no self-esteem, no belief in themselves - insults dig deep and affect people in a number of different ways. They begin to doubt their own abilities, they might cry themsevles to sleep, they could develop severe problems in getting any sleep at all, or become overly aware of their own emotions, trying their best not to show them at all. Eating disorders can pop up into the equation, because kids don't know when to stop.
Bullying in schools is a real problem in Ireland. If what I've said isn't enough for you, consider that your friends, your children, or even yourself may have been bullied, or could still be bullied. I went through a period of isolation that I freely admitted to. It hurts to think that other people could go through the same thing. It's affected me in far too many ways, because I let it and because no one did anything about it.
I urge you to take notice of these things. Is someone acting strangely? Can you see bullying every day, and are you doing anything about it? Is the word "gay" the playground favourite for slagging matches? These are children we're talking about! They shouldn't have to go through the same things we did. They're the new generation.
It's just children, of course. Adults can go through it too. Find a confidante and tell them if you need to talk. Contact the Samaritans or a similar organisation if you find it all getting too much. They can't offer you advice, but they can be a listening ear. They can respond when you need them to. It will make you feel better. I can almost promise that.
And of course, take of yourself. Don't let bullies get you down. Don't let the word "gay" come to represent the worst of all of society, and don't let the word stop people from having feelings. It's okay. This is the twenty-first century. Men aren't robots.
Talk.
No, I'm not saying "gays" are a problem. I don't believe that, so I won't encourage others to. No, the problem is not the homosexual community, but the insult, "Gay." I know people who do like members of the same sex don't consider it an insult, but to children, who really can't be sure, and who don't even fully understand the word, it is an insult. Besides... people use homosexual more and more these days, instead of gay. Gay is now a derogitory term for just about anything bad.
I read an article today that encouraged this blog post. I think it was in the Irish Independant. Basically, kids these days use the words "gay", "girl" or "woman" to insult other boys. Why? Because they're children and don't quite get that people can have feelings regardless of gender. It's things like this that stir up foul emotions in people, but they're so afraid to say anything about it, because they'll get jeered again for not being an emotionless robot, that they bottle it up.
I'm no psychologist, but the last I heard bottling things up for years can do a lot of damage. We're talking emotionally unstable, no self-esteem, no belief in themselves - insults dig deep and affect people in a number of different ways. They begin to doubt their own abilities, they might cry themsevles to sleep, they could develop severe problems in getting any sleep at all, or become overly aware of their own emotions, trying their best not to show them at all. Eating disorders can pop up into the equation, because kids don't know when to stop.
Bullying in schools is a real problem in Ireland. If what I've said isn't enough for you, consider that your friends, your children, or even yourself may have been bullied, or could still be bullied. I went through a period of isolation that I freely admitted to. It hurts to think that other people could go through the same thing. It's affected me in far too many ways, because I let it and because no one did anything about it.
I urge you to take notice of these things. Is someone acting strangely? Can you see bullying every day, and are you doing anything about it? Is the word "gay" the playground favourite for slagging matches? These are children we're talking about! They shouldn't have to go through the same things we did. They're the new generation.
It's just children, of course. Adults can go through it too. Find a confidante and tell them if you need to talk. Contact the Samaritans or a similar organisation if you find it all getting too much. They can't offer you advice, but they can be a listening ear. They can respond when you need them to. It will make you feel better. I can almost promise that.
And of course, take of yourself. Don't let bullies get you down. Don't let the word "gay" come to represent the worst of all of society, and don't let the word stop people from having feelings. It's okay. This is the twenty-first century. Men aren't robots.
Talk.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Back to the Beginning
I've been thinking about this, and I think it's time I told the story of how I started writing. It's not all pretty, but it's my genuine experience that's changed my life for the better.
Technically speaking, my earliest memory of writing was... I think I was eleven, or I might have been nine, one or the other - I just know I was in an upstairs room in primary school, and it wasn't when I was 12. There was, and still is, thankfully, an old lady on my road about whom I thought, "She looks lonely." So I took out a copy book, which was actually a sums copy, but I didn't care, and I started writing the story, with illustrations, of Dove Airheart, a White Witch fighting to rid the world of the horrors that are Heithor (pronounced Hi-Thor) and Master O Cuther (that's pronounced O Coo-er... I was a strange child, okay!). It was never finished, but not everyone finishes their first book.
A definte point in time when I started using the word "chapter" in stories was when I was nine. I remember a story about this group of kids with super powers, except for one of them. He was the one that had the power to finish everything, after they'd gotten to a box filled with magic. The magic gave him his power, and that ended the story. Some of the characters had rubbish powers - one girl was part monkey; how rubbish is that!
Then when I was eleven or twelve, or it might have been during both ages, I wrote a short story of about 300 words, then a second and a third in series, all in the run up to secondary school when I'd finally start to write the novel. The start of the novel coincided with another period of my life - the time when I became a loner.
I know some people look at that word and think the "n" is synonymous with an "s" (i.e. loner = loser), but really, that wasn't the case. I wasn't a loner because I did something wrong; I was a loner because the people I was friends with decided suddenly, out of the blue, that there was something inherently wrong with me. At first it was a slagging thing, insults, all that jazz. Then the summer came, and I was starting my novel for about the third time. I remember the first draft being rather...bad. The second draft began as a hand written piece. The third draft, from the beginning, was on our new computer. The memory was wiped, or something. I don't know. But I lost the original draft somewhere along the line.
Then third year came. It was the most important academic year of my life to date - it was the year of the Junior Cert. And what was I doing in the morning? Chasing after a group of people who greeted my arrival at the bicycle yard with, "Oh great, here he is. Let's go."
In the months that followed, I ended up making things easier for them - I walked straight past them before they could leave. I had no choice but to isolate myself. And at lunch..? Well, I became acquinted with the first years in the school; they were more tolerable than the second years, the fourth years were mostly immature, the sixth years were sixth years were very alien to me (and I was too young for them) and the fifth years were my older brother's friends. So I talked to first years, who were on average two years younger than me. Back then, at that age, the gap seemed huge.
There were several unpelasurable incidents during the year, but I did write a lot too. The book, What Lurks Through the Mirror was written most nights, some of them for a much longer duration of time. I aimed for 9 pages a chapter and 24 chapters, without really considering anything like font size or the line spacing. As it happened, it was 9 pages of size ten Times New Roman, single line spacing. Hard to read and hard to get nine pages out of.
During my exile from the people in my year, I made a concious decision not to use violence to solve any of my problems. When it came closer to the exams, one of my old friends arrived on the scene, bored and alone. He was bigger than me, stronger than me, and thought that he was better than me in every single way imaginable. He kicked me, to assert his power. Instinctively, I kicked him back. I didn't enjoy it, and I stopped myself the second time he kicked me. Wanting to encourage a response, he kicked again, a little higher. I was fortunate he only hit my thigh, or there would have been a big problem following.
Then he stopped. He stopped and he saw me standing there, not defending myself, not fighting back. And he did the most amazing thing - he apologised. So I asked him - or I told him, I think - that when he sees the others, he better make sure they get the message; I wasn't about to take any more crap from them, and if they played their little "Let's go," game again, I'd report them for bullying.
And you know what? Persistence worked. I had finally beaten them. I was able to talk to them again, and they found that they actually didn't hate me. Over the next few years, I developed brilliant friendships with most, but I didn't resent the others; it was just a matter of not hanging out with them as much.
And you know what else? By June that year, in the first weekend of the exams, I finished What Lurks Through the Mirror at a whopping 120 thousand words. And that was a children's book. It was my children's book. It was the first thing I had ever written, following the biggest fight of my life, the fight I won without violence.
And the rest, the gap between now and then, is - as they say - history. History filled with friends, songs, fads, books and lots of writing. And like I said before, the events of third year changed me for the better. I was a stronger person, and I had my dream ahead of me. I was ready to face the world of writing. I wouldn't change a single thing about it.
Anyway, that's my story. It's filled with all the usual things we're all told not to do, like start sentences with "And" (especially not three paragraphs in a row!), and it's written in a mad, "Oh yeah, and this happened," sort of style, but it's all true. Just... don't feel sorry for me, okay? ^_^
Technically speaking, my earliest memory of writing was... I think I was eleven, or I might have been nine, one or the other - I just know I was in an upstairs room in primary school, and it wasn't when I was 12. There was, and still is, thankfully, an old lady on my road about whom I thought, "She looks lonely." So I took out a copy book, which was actually a sums copy, but I didn't care, and I started writing the story, with illustrations, of Dove Airheart, a White Witch fighting to rid the world of the horrors that are Heithor (pronounced Hi-Thor) and Master O Cuther (that's pronounced O Coo-er... I was a strange child, okay!). It was never finished, but not everyone finishes their first book.
A definte point in time when I started using the word "chapter" in stories was when I was nine. I remember a story about this group of kids with super powers, except for one of them. He was the one that had the power to finish everything, after they'd gotten to a box filled with magic. The magic gave him his power, and that ended the story. Some of the characters had rubbish powers - one girl was part monkey; how rubbish is that!
Then when I was eleven or twelve, or it might have been during both ages, I wrote a short story of about 300 words, then a second and a third in series, all in the run up to secondary school when I'd finally start to write the novel. The start of the novel coincided with another period of my life - the time when I became a loner.
I know some people look at that word and think the "n" is synonymous with an "s" (i.e. loner = loser), but really, that wasn't the case. I wasn't a loner because I did something wrong; I was a loner because the people I was friends with decided suddenly, out of the blue, that there was something inherently wrong with me. At first it was a slagging thing, insults, all that jazz. Then the summer came, and I was starting my novel for about the third time. I remember the first draft being rather...bad. The second draft began as a hand written piece. The third draft, from the beginning, was on our new computer. The memory was wiped, or something. I don't know. But I lost the original draft somewhere along the line.
Then third year came. It was the most important academic year of my life to date - it was the year of the Junior Cert. And what was I doing in the morning? Chasing after a group of people who greeted my arrival at the bicycle yard with, "Oh great, here he is. Let's go."
In the months that followed, I ended up making things easier for them - I walked straight past them before they could leave. I had no choice but to isolate myself. And at lunch..? Well, I became acquinted with the first years in the school; they were more tolerable than the second years, the fourth years were mostly immature, the sixth years were sixth years were very alien to me (and I was too young for them) and the fifth years were my older brother's friends. So I talked to first years, who were on average two years younger than me. Back then, at that age, the gap seemed huge.
There were several unpelasurable incidents during the year, but I did write a lot too. The book, What Lurks Through the Mirror was written most nights, some of them for a much longer duration of time. I aimed for 9 pages a chapter and 24 chapters, without really considering anything like font size or the line spacing. As it happened, it was 9 pages of size ten Times New Roman, single line spacing. Hard to read and hard to get nine pages out of.
During my exile from the people in my year, I made a concious decision not to use violence to solve any of my problems. When it came closer to the exams, one of my old friends arrived on the scene, bored and alone. He was bigger than me, stronger than me, and thought that he was better than me in every single way imaginable. He kicked me, to assert his power. Instinctively, I kicked him back. I didn't enjoy it, and I stopped myself the second time he kicked me. Wanting to encourage a response, he kicked again, a little higher. I was fortunate he only hit my thigh, or there would have been a big problem following.
Then he stopped. He stopped and he saw me standing there, not defending myself, not fighting back. And he did the most amazing thing - he apologised. So I asked him - or I told him, I think - that when he sees the others, he better make sure they get the message; I wasn't about to take any more crap from them, and if they played their little "Let's go," game again, I'd report them for bullying.
And you know what? Persistence worked. I had finally beaten them. I was able to talk to them again, and they found that they actually didn't hate me. Over the next few years, I developed brilliant friendships with most, but I didn't resent the others; it was just a matter of not hanging out with them as much.
And you know what else? By June that year, in the first weekend of the exams, I finished What Lurks Through the Mirror at a whopping 120 thousand words. And that was a children's book. It was my children's book. It was the first thing I had ever written, following the biggest fight of my life, the fight I won without violence.
And the rest, the gap between now and then, is - as they say - history. History filled with friends, songs, fads, books and lots of writing. And like I said before, the events of third year changed me for the better. I was a stronger person, and I had my dream ahead of me. I was ready to face the world of writing. I wouldn't change a single thing about it.
Anyway, that's my story. It's filled with all the usual things we're all told not to do, like start sentences with "And" (especially not three paragraphs in a row!), and it's written in a mad, "Oh yeah, and this happened," sort of style, but it's all true. Just... don't feel sorry for me, okay? ^_^
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