Can't Sleep, Clown Will Eat Me!

Last night I had some trouble sleeping. I had an awful lot of my mind, including the sudden realisation that some friends who are leaving the country are doing so very soon. I kind of figured this sort of stuff would creep up on me, before pouncing suddenly.

When I woke up after a less than satisfactory sleep, I knew what I had to do: I made a list.

I wrote down each of the things that had been bothering me the night before, and beside each one I wrote down what, if anything, I could do about. I kept it simple, to a few words so it would be easy to follow, and once it became clear that for some things the solution was simple and for others there was nothing I could do to change what was going to happen, it all became a bit easier.

Part of the problem, I reckon, was that I thought about it all in one go without having time to process it properly. That's not an ideal situation for anyone to be in. Once one little bit of worry gets in, it's like a dam breaking. Suddenly every little niggling doubt about the future came down upon me.

Thankfully I know how to cope with all of this going on. The real trouble was in my head, and once I was able to get out of it - which meant not sleeping for a while - I was able to get some rest.

(As for the title of this post... it's a quote from The Simpsons, when a young Bart is terrified of the clown bed Homer made him. The same sort of fear and worry kept me awake last night, though my focus wasn't on my bed. After yesterday's story, that's probably hard to believe...)

Anyway, today, after coping with last night's worries, and after a shift in work, I did what every sane person who couldn't sleep well the night before does: I went to see a horror film. Specifically, The Conjuring. It's probably the creepiest film of the past few years, though Sinister still holds the title belt for scariest. There were less jumpy frights in The Conjuring and more spooky atmosphere building.

All in all, I'd recommend it.

I'm a big fan of horror films, though I don't get to watch as many as I'd like to. This is by and large down to the fact that when it's dark enough to make an atmosphere out of a horror film, I'm in my room writing a blog post at the last minute, but also because I don't have a huge collection of horror.

Anyway, it's getting late, I feel a hankering for a cup of tea, and I need to post this before midnight. Hopefully tonight I'll have less worries on my mind!

The Evening Before

Ahead of my talk to the students of my placement school, I'm having some doubts. Mental Health is a pretty major topic, and I've never spoken about it on a public level before. As it is, I'm not much for public talking. Classrooms I can manage, because I feel in control of the situation, and I'm able to give them assessment, but I can't force a student to be comfortable with the idea of talking about Mental Health.

I think my biggest concern is that, standing in front of them, I might not be able to answer their questions. I'm leaving a chance for them to ask questions related to the topic, and well, it's a pretty broad one. I don't have all the answers, though I am working on learning as much as I can about it all.

I don't know, I guess I'm just worried that someone will have a question that's extremely important to them and I won't be able to answer it for them. I'm covering a broad range of material, from neuroscience, to the teenage years and the natural feelings of that time, to depression, drugs, alcohol and suicide. I'm giving them the information they need to contact specific people about specific problems.

But what if that's not enough?

I can't tell them everything there is to know about all of this. I can't tell them all about depression and the multiple ways it can affect somebody. I can't tell them all about suicide, its affect on families, the affect it can have on somebody planning it, or why people suicide. I can't tell them everything about self-harm, or alcoholism, or drug use, and I know - I know - that it's not my job to tell them all of this, and it's not possible to fit it all in within a single class period, as well as giving them a chance to actually ask something that's on their mind as a result of the talk, or give out an information sheet, or anything like that.

This is probably going to be the hardest thing I will ever do in relation to Mental Health, because it's the first time I'm properly talking about it in a public forum. It scares the heck out of me, really, but I'm hoping it will get easier.

More importantly, I'm hoping the message with sink in to anyone who might have some doubts about any of this sort of stuff, either for themselves or a family member or a friend. I know there's a lot of valuable information in the talk. I won't be casting any judgements on people, and I'll be emphasising that the students don't, either. Mental illness isn't a weakness, it's biological, like diabetes or heart disease, all illnesses affected by both genetics and environment, and I'll be damned if I don't make that point get across.

So, I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm anxious. I will probably be freaking out a bit the closer it gets to actually having this talk with the students. But you know what, I'm talking about it. I'm not keeping it all to myself. I'm doing just one simple thing to help take care of my own mental health.

How about you? Any questions on mental health that maybe, maybe, I can anticipate before the students ask them?