Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Educational Procrastination

The topic of yesterday's study period changed dramatically and unexpectedly from Ecclesiology to Omegle.com. In case you don't know, Omegle.com is a chat website that utilizes web-cams. In case you haven't figured it out yet, it features a lot of people playing with themselves. You have been warned - this blog post will contain profanities!
Now, there are many things you can learn from Omegle.com. Not least of which is shame on behalf of all of humanity. But you can also get some great laughs out of it, if you learn not to be offended by the sight of a penis most of the time. Actually, not most of the time. Not if you deal with people the way we did. We are *drum roll*

The Phil Collins dedicated superness award-winning ecclesiastic team that is not endorsed by Phil Collins

And here we are!

The lad in the front shall be, for the purposes of this blog, be known as John. Beside him is Mary. Then, in the red, is yours truly (known for the day as Adam) and in the back is Aidan. Instead of studying, we wreaked havoc.

It all began with Facebook, not Omegle. John was fraped. A lot. Then Mary was fraped, too. I was not fraped, because I chose not to be. Only the four of us know what that vague assortment of words mean.

Following the twice-occurring fraping, we went over to Omegle, largely because we were curious. Now, I'll tell you this for free. When you have a girl like Mary on screen, lots of people want her to remove her clothing. When you don't, and you're trying to convince two girls to kiss...

Aidan knew what he was doing. "Will you two kiss?" he asked them. He got the expected reply, considering the fact that John sat beside him on the camera. "You kiss your friend first." Aidan was no fool, of course. Aidan knew those girls were alone, and that he wasn't. "So if I kiss my friend you two will kiss?" he asked them. "Yes," the girl confirmed, "You kiss first."

Aidan proceeded to pull Mary on screen and kiss her for the girls.Triumphantly, he cheered, "Your turn!"

This was only the beginning of our devilment. Of course, it wasn't all devilment. We met a really cool landscaper. Twice! Yes, we ran into his randomly twice! It was great! He was dead sound, and thought we were hilarious for being so excited about everything and for not studying.

Then the real stuff began. John, sick of people asking Mary to strip for them, got an idea. No word of a lie, he put on one of her bras (we were in her apartment). Then we left Mary alone on camera, her face hidden. Time after time, people began to talk to her, hands reaching down towards their crotch. She teasingly undid the buttons on her cardigan, and told them she'd be back in a minute. Bring in the topless-except-for-a-bra John, sit him down in the chair, and let the devilment continue. His face hidden and the camera not being high definition (and the light was shining in the window, so you couldn't see much), the men thought he was Mary in a bra. Then I altered the angle of the camera.

"Haha! You dirty bastard! Wanking to a lad!" John yelled. He grabbed a make-shift sign and held it up to the screen. "Wanker! Wanker!" The person disconnected.

The make-shift sign, I might add, was originally a photocopy of Dogma, by Michael Schmauss, with WANKER! written on the front of it. Dogma wanker...

Time and time again, John replaced Mary in the hot seat of online sexual tension, revealing, time and time again, that he was a man, to the perverted upchuck of the Internet. Time and time again, they called him gay. John didn't care, so long as I deleted the picture of his wearing the bra. Stories were one thing, photographic evidence was another.

Eventually, John just wanted to smoke, so when Mary was about to tease a middle-aged man in the same way as before, John got another idea. "Dad?!" he yelled. The man disconnected in obvious panic. Priceless.

There was, I'll admit, much merriment to be had in cheering, "Wanker!" at someone. But it's even better when their dad walks in...

It began with one lad, somewhere in the region of thirteen or fourteen, we reckoned. Then his older brother walked in, spotted Mary, and knew what he wanted. I think you know too - he wanted her to take off her top. Now, Mary wasn't willing to do it anyway, but when the boys stopped replying, with their camera still rolling, and a grey-haired man coming in to check on them... "Hey! It's their dad!" I yelled. The boys hid the obvious panic that they were experiencing, trying their best not to give away the fact that they were on a glorified porn site, occupied mostly by men. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, people on the Internet are that stupid, that they think they will get many girls like Mary who will actually strip down to the bra (and then-some.) Most of the time, it's actually just cock. Lots and lots of cock.

People are clueless.

Following five hours of this nonsense, with food cooked and eaten in the mean time too, John tested out a similar site: chatroulette. A better known site, John thought he'd test to see how many people it would take before he got a proper conversation. Out of eighteen people, one person stopped to talk. The rest were playing with themselves, or hoping to.

It was, as the title might suggest, an educational experience, even if we didn't actually live up to our team name by studying ecclesiology (except for Aidan.. he was weird that way!) Still, we have learned much in the ways of society, the Internet and comedy, and we had a great time doing it. So what if it meant nine hours of study for the exam today? I think I may have actually passed! (though it helped that John and I have a mutual exploitation agreement, whereby we share any work we do before exams as we're studying!)

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