Saturday, February 13, 2010

An Experience with Age

I've just watched Benjamin Button; you know, the movie staring Brad Pitt based on the short story by F Scott Fitzgerald? It's got me thinking, especially since I'm turning nineteen on Monday, and my friend Lisa brought up a feeling of "insignificance" regarding her own life, friends are leaving college and I'm releasing a book of poetry in a few weeks... what exactly will life have in store for me?

I don't normally even pretend to be philosophical, but come on... this is a matter of life and... well, a life less interesting! I could spend the rest of life writing away at this blog, releasing books of poetry and writing away, or I could do it with a family. But.. which one? I've never had a girlfriend, so it looks like the former for now, but seriously - when does one normally begin to realise the utter loneliness of one's life? Surely not before their birthday, and surely not before the most commercial day of the year?

Soon-to-be-nineteen year olds with a perfect bill of health should not have to consider the most complicated aspects of their lives, or indeed the simplest, depending on how you look at it. You know, when people say you "just know" when you meet "the One." I've met the One, but it wasn't any way romantic for me, because the person I refer to as "the One" is the person who keeps me sane, not the person I'm madly in love with. So what do I do?

I don't think I've ever felt so lost about my single status until right now. I thought I was entirely happy being the way I am, not having to worry about a whole other complicated relationship in my life. They don't always work for me, so why am I looking for one?

Is this what aging is? I've only ever grown up once in my lifetime, and it's still happening. I don't know how it feels. I need the guidance of someone older than me, someone with more experience, but I can't say it to my parents - they're not approachable in that sense, even if my mother thinks she is. She'd make suggestions about the identity of the girls in my life, not find me my answers.

Do writers really need someone there for them, or is that just me?


Anonymous said...

Lisa from wordpress here! I can't figure out how to sign in on my wordpess account. *facepalm*

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

That's what someone far older and wiser once said. Albert Camus to be precise. And he's right.

I'm single right now and I don't give a sh!t. Valentine's Day is silly.

Honestly, dude, don't go looking for a relationship - just let it happen naturally. It might be tomorrow, it might be next year, it might be five years time. When it happens, it happens. Go with tha flow. ;)

Carrie said...

I have no idea- I'm turning 16 on Thursday (go Feb. birthdays! :) and I've never had a boyfriend.
Good, thought-provoking post.